What's the harm in publishing your memoir? The answer was swift from one writer. "It could change relationships." Dwelling on that issue is without a doubt the greatest obstacle to many fine memoirs being finished and published. The concern of going public with a memoir that could paint an unflattering portrait - at least in the eyes of the person being written about - tends to overwhelm the writer, paralyze her. She becomes obsessed with questions about "betrayal" and "disloyalty."
Others, as voiced at the Women's Writing Circle, "have moved way beyond," those concerns. They are the writers standing the best chance of finishing their projects.
Instead of the negative, let's turn to the positive side of writing a memoir. As one writer said yesterday, "We are bearing witness to our journey." I have written about this before; the generosity of sharing our stories. Many in the Circle agree that it is through our writing we have come to know each other better than many of our family and friends know us. Not only have we borne witness to our story, we have thrown out a "creative lifeline" . . .one person bears witness, leading another and another to do the same.
No author should go lightly into publishing a memoir. Rule Number One. It takes hard work to write a worthy book. That means delivering information and experiences that help others, while engaging them in a "good read." If we write an engaging story, then it goes without saying we moved beyond the "fishbowl" of one life and broadened our story into the universal experience.
Concentrating on the positive, rather than the negative, frees us. It unblocks our stalled energy, our demons, not just as writers, but as human beings. Yesterday, one woman turned to me and said, "Why am I so hard on myself? So what if I make a mistake? I move beyond that, shrug, and laugh it off, learn from it."
Does your story harm others? If the story is overpowered by bitterness, vengeance, regrets, you need to take a second look. Such a story harms you, the writer, as much as anyone. The lessons of memoir - healing, writing about obstacles and how to overcome them . . . sharing a powerful and empowering journey . . . have not been learned or appreciated.
One of the writers at yesterday's Circle suggested a writing prompt: What are you most afraid of? Do you know?
