Women's Writing Circle

Mastering Writing Workshop

2012-02-03T14:27:00.001-05:00

Mastering Writing for Adults

Getting To the Heart of Our Story

How do we find the stories in our lives? How do we discover meaning in those stories? And what are some good strategies to write about them?

This is the subject of a unique all-day writing workshop sure to inspire and instruct. Open to committed writers of all genres and experience levels.

This workshop will be led by Susan G. Weidener, an editor and author of Again in a Heartbeat, a memoir of love, loss and dating again, and Cynthia J. McGroarty, an English instructor at DeVry University and afiction writer and editor.

What to expect:

· Instructionand writing exercises that build on finding the meaning in our stories.

· Thoughtson how to take a memory and turn it into a story.

· Tipsand techniques for bringing readers into the story.

· Waysto trim the fat and get to the meat of the story.

· Critiqueof a work in-progress.

· Reading our work aloud in a circle of supportive writers.

Where:Fairfield Inn, 5 North Pottstown Pike, Exton PA 19341

When: 8:30 –5 p.m. Saturday, March 24

Cost: Earlybird special until Saturday, Feb. 25 is $89; after that, $99 until March 16. Fee includes freecoffee and tea all day and buffet lunch. This workshop is limitedto 10 participants.

Checks should be made out toSusan Weidener and sent to: 75 Jennifer Drive, Chester Springs, PA 19425. Formore information, email sgweidener@comcast.net

A Valentine's Gift of Memoir

2012-01-31T13:26:00.000-05:00

Many, many thanks to all the Kindle users who downloaded Again in a Heartbeat. It has been amazing and exciting to know that people are taking the time and interest to read my story.

Yesterday over 600 people in the US and UK downloaded my memoir on KDP Select. If you liked the story, please give it a shout-out, recommend it, write a recommendation of it on Amazon. Thank you!

"He loved me. And for that I would be there again in a heartbeat."

It is my hope now and always that my story will "ring true" for those who have ever been in love, for couples coping with serious illness and for those who ask - is love worth the risk?

Enjoy my story and John's.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Susan

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004774MOW

Risk-Taking and Writing - A Prompt

2012-01-29T21:23:00.000-05:00

A breach of faith. An abandonment of a child. How to write about this? Should we write about it? Risk-taking in writing comes up again and again at our Women's Writing Circle. Is it harmful or can it produce positive results?

I can only speak for myself. The writer's job is to reveal the disturbing. The writer's job is to write the factual and the emotional truth. While the journey is fraught with landmines, how uplifting it is once they are diffused! Taking a risk is necessary in order to grow. Taking the plunge and deciding to publish Again in a Heartbeat - thereby revealing myself publicly - was terrifying. My fear and the reality of what came after were worlds apart. It ended up as a river dancing with sunlight on a spring day.

Women writing memoir reveal themselves publicly - often for the first time. It feels uncomfortable, but not impossible. Harder is revealing others - a parent, a sibling, a husband or wife. We were taught to remain silent. It feels like a betrayal to reveal their flaws. Yet through the writing we are finding our unfiltered voice.

The guilt (self-reproach) overwhelms. We write something . . . a little portrait, a poem for our eyes only. We hide it. Exposing the truth in the light of day is unimaginable. It stays in the closet.

Revealing the "ugly" side of ourselves and others is heading onto rocky shoals. Stop for a moment and think how it also steers toward the revealing and provocative.
http://www.susanweidener.com/2010/06/ugly-me-essay.html

A prompt for our February 11 read-around: Write a character study of a person who regrets not taking a risk. How did the failure to take that risk change his or her life? (You might want to write it as a narrative as if that person is talking to you.)

Or, since February 14th is so close, this prompt: "A box of Valentine's."
(Originally, I had offered as a prompt, an empty box of Valentine's; but it may have been a little too hard to conceptualize how to write about this; if you want to, tho, please do.)

For information about our read-around: http://www.susanweidener.com/p/circle-read-arounds.html

As always, please bring what your heart and pen inspire. We had the largest group ever last month at our read-around at Wellington Square. Why don't you join us?

Perfectionism And the Rough Draft

2012-01-23T09:08:00.004-05:00

I am reading Anne Lamott's classic book on writing, Bird By Bird. Lamott compares a rough draft to a Polaroid. I think most of us remember Polaroid cameras and how fascinating it was to watch murky shadow transform into photograph.

Writing the rough first, second and third drafts is something like that. Just be patient Dear Prudence, and the picture in all its color and detail will emerge. Do not expect or demand instantaneous, artfully-written prose the first time around . . . or even the second or third. (If it happens the first time around, then keep it to yourself so the rest of us won't feel so bad.)

Writes Lamott: "Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life. . . . Besides, perfectionism will ruin your writing, blocking inventiveness and playfulness and life force. Perfectionism means that you try desperately not to leave so much mess to clean up. But clutter and mess show us that life is being lived."

Not only is perfectionism the culprit that stifles the muse, it creates the stress that makes writing almost as pleasant as tooth extraction. Women are particularly prone to this curse. (Ever see the movie Black Swan?)

You have heard me talk about my follow-up book to Again in a Heartbeat. It is called Morning at Wellington Square and picks up in the years after my husband's death. For those who don't know, Wellington Square is the name of the bookshop where our Women's Writing Circle meets on the second and last Saturday mornings of the month.

While everything I write happened, I took the liberty of changing the sequence of certain events, changing names, playing with dialogue that is both true and dramatic.

Water garden at the Ming Summer Palace.

All of which gets me to the first, second, third - and now the 9th draft of Morning at Wellington Square. I finally said, Enough! Writing and rewriting, I began feeling like I was scaling the Great Wall of China. I may not be writing as simply and eloquently as a Hemingway, as insightful or amusing as an Alice Munro, or as witty as Anne Lamott. But it's okay. I am writing my story and no one - except Jesus, of course - can ever be perfect.

I uncovered so many treasures and "uncramped" so many writing muscles, to quote Lamott, I am beginning to feel hopeful. I might even grant myself permission to think this is worthy of publishing and asking people to read!

A rough draft is not perfect. If you stop writing because it has become too painful, then you have nothing. Under the clutter, glitter gems of story and people you want to write and know more about. A beautiful landscape garden waits.

Generosity of Women's Stories

2012-01-15T07:49:00.003-05:00

A universal message resonates when we dig deep, clear the cobwebs and take a memory out of darkness. The writer's mission is to disturb, to bring to light what is unsaid. To reveal.

The generosity of women writing from the heart is courage and connection in an impersonal world. This was apparent at our Women's Writing Circle yesterday. The writing included stories of religious dogma and its impact on a child's life; a mother's disorder and a daughter's insight into her own journey; a wife's plea to a husband.

In the Circle we discover the safety and energy, the renewal that comes with expressing ourselves in a community of kindred spirits. There are no apologies that what we write might upset. Instead, we are empowered.

Yesterday we held our first read-around of the Women's Writing Circle for the new year. We are a small group meeting in a rather idyllic corner of the Philadelphia suburbs. There is so much wealth and prosperity here, it sometimes feels like living in a bubble in recession-plagued America.

Still, there is poverty and then there is poverty. On a frigid January morning we mined the poverty of discontent and sadness, the joy of lessons learned, the journey of the feminine. This is a journey that cuts across all socio-economic groups. Those willing to take it find wealth of the spirit.

I encourage anyone reading this to start a women's writing group in your community. You'll find the need is out there for a place to gather. You'll find inspiration for your writing, and renewed creative energy. You'll find connection and strength in the generosity of women's stories.

Finding Stories in Photographs

2012-01-03T09:16:00.000-05:00

My parents, Andrew and Gertrude, on their wedding day.

Is there a photograph that keeps you sane? Is it a picture of a person, a house, a landscape with many-layered meaning? Your parents on their wedding day?

Is it someone who taught you to love? Is it someone you do not want to become? Photographs are invaluable touchstones to memory and to who we are or want to be. They are story starters. When you consider publishing, photographs create a cover for your book.

Join us Saturday, January 14 for a new year of writing of the Women's Writing Circle at Wellington Square Bookshop in Exton, PA. For more information: http://www.susanweidener.com/p/circle-read-arounds.html

The writing prompt for our January read-around: The photograph that keeps me sane. Use the picture to tell a story or craft a poem.

For those just visiting this site or thinking about joining a community of writers, the Women's Writing Circle meets for two and a half hours every second Saturday of the month. We read our work in an informal, but grounded atmosphere of goodwill. We respect the grit and courage it takes to be a writer. We support each other in our creative pursuit to put pen to paper and write from the heart about issues that matter to women. The Circle offered me support and connection, encouraging me to finish my memoir, Again in a Heartbeat, about my late husband, John Cavalieri, pictured here during our summer at Martha's Vineyard.

John looking toward the ocean.

The Circle offers a place to express ourselves and explore our voices. After each read-around, we emerge renewed. The last Saturday of the month we have critique. This is for women with a work in progress. We offer well-intentioned and sensitive critique, posing questions that include, what is the author trying to say, is there rhythm and imagery in the writing, is there room for revision? For more information: http://www.susanweidener.com/p/critique-group.html

As always, if this writing prompt on photography does not suit, please bring what your muse inspires. All genres welcome, as are published and unpublished writers to the read-around and the critique. I hope to see you at Wellington Square, where coffee and tea are served in bright red ceramic mugs, the conversation inspires and the community connects.

All the best,
Susan

Highlight of 2011 - Memoir Review

2011-12-28T20:08:00.001-05:00

A review of my memoir ran in Philadelphia's City Suburban News in 2011. It was a highlight for me this year. Much of my writing is inspired by my hope to give women the courage and inspiration to write from the heart.

Local Author Tells Her Story in Again in a Heartbeat
By Edda R. Pitassi, Correspondent

In her critically acclaimed debut book Again in a Heartbeat...a memoir of love, loss, and dating again, Susan Weidener tells a romantic and realistic story of “meeting Prince Charming,” marriage, parenthood, and the tragic loss of her talented, vibrant, 47-year-old husband, John Cavalieri, to cancer.

Weidener wrote her memoir as a way of coming to terms not only with the
bitterness and resentment of losing her “touchstone”and hero but also to
find her way “as a single mother and middle-aged woman on my own.”

She begins to write a journal, nurtures two young sons, Alex and Daniel,
and boldly confronts her widowhood. She becomes attracted to other men,
dates again, and finds that other would-be princes “pale in comparison.”

Many readers of Again in a Heartbeat have commented on the author’s
honesty, resilience,and loyalty in the face of her seven-year ordeal
with John’s cancer and its effect on family and friends. “This book
touched my life and my heart,” says one reader. “I am grateful that you
shared your story,” says another. “I am devouring your memoir,” adds
another.

Clearly, Weidener’s belief in the power of memoir has resonated with
readers and has brought her to another frontier. She founded the Women’s
Writing Circle in November 2009 “to inspire other women writers in
suburban Philadelphia.”

In sharing her knowledge of writing and publishing, the author sees
herself as a “writing coach” who encourages writers “to tell their
stories whether for publication or for themselves and their families.

“Everyone has a story to tell. Writing helps us tell that story and make
sense of our lives,”she maintains.

She praises the“wonderful” Wellington Square Bookshop in Exton, PA, where
aspiring writers meet on pre-arranged Saturday mornings “to break the
solitude of writing."

A native of Wayne, PA, Weidener was a reporter with The Philadelphia
Inquirer from 1991 until 2007. She left journalism to try her skills at
a more creative form of writing, earning recognition as an experienced
book editor, facilitator of writing workshops, and media consultant. She
currently resides in Chester Springs, Pa.

http://www.facebook.com/citysuburbannews

To order Again in a Heartbeat go to: https://www.createspace.com/3443743

To order on Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004774MOW
(The book is enrolled in the KDP Select program and can now be borrowed through the Kindle Owners' Lending Library.)

To order on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Again-Heartbeat-Memoir-Love-Dating/dp/1451581181/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1314816961&sr=1-1#_

Coming Home Through Memoir

2011-12-21T11:02:00.000-05:00

The holidays, at least for many of us, is a time when facing the compelling narrative of our lives is unavoidable. Tradition and family and the roles we played in that narrative meld into one melodrama. The exhaustion of the expectations, we mutter to ourselves!

Why is it that I always felt I needed to caretake, she wonders? Was it because of those Christmases at the dinner table where her mother wept how much she missed her parents, how she felt so lonely and lost and I, as the only daughter, felt the unspoken message to be strong?

Memories are triggers for why we react as we do with certain people. She's so spoiled, it is always about her and how she can feel better about herself, never what I might want or need. I don't want her as a friend anymore.

The desire to begin sorting and making sense of it becomes powerful. Writing is the surest way to do that.

One of the great gifts for me has been memoir. It keeps giving, not just through the self-knowledge generated by writing and taking the longer view of life, but in connecting with other people in the most human and real sense of the words. As author Christina Baldwin writes in Storycatcher, Making Sense of Our Lives through the Power and Practice of Story: "Events become real when we organize experience into narrative."

As I work on my next book, I find myself "coming home again" through memoir. Writing illuminates the teenage girl who never "fit in," the widow who buried her grief, the journalist whose paper favored youth over age and experience, the daughter who never escaped her tendency to provide emotional support to others, but is learning the importance of boundaries.

I have been reading oral historian and Pulitzer Prize winner Studs Terkel. One of his books is a series of compelling narratives as told to Terkel by older people who look back on their lives, their careers, their hopes and dreams without sentimentality or embellishment.

As Katherine "Kit" Tremaine told Terkel in Coming of Age: "I was always seeking something outside. I finally found it when I left my second husband after thirty years. I was in my early sixties. It was a big move. I got into my car and headed down our long driveway, down to my little beach house. I thought to myself, 'I've done it!' Suddenly this tremendous feeling of joy rose up in me. I began to realize that the world was full of people just like me."

And so it is this holiday season, a time to let the writing lead us to a place of freedom and fulfillment - to come home again to who we truly are and were always meant to be.

Why I Chose KDP Select

2011-12-16T10:59:00.009-05:00

This past week I received a letter from Amazon. Hello from KDP! We're excited to introduce KDP Select . . . KDP Select gives you a new way to earn royalties, reach a broader audience, and use a new set of promotional tools.

What immediately appealed to me was "reach a broader audience." Not one to shy away from marketing and self-promotion, I had been successful in arranging book signings, library talks and interviews about my memoir on radio and in print media.

I had nevertheless found this to be a tough year in terms of my memoir reaching a broader audience outside the community where I live. Although I have had terrific reviews of my book, sales have been slow in the last several months. I refused to be disheartened, having read how many books have been slow starters and then caught on. But as much as wanting to reach a wider audience and dream the dream that someone might see my book as the next Bridges of Madison County (which one reader likened it to), I felt frustrated by obstacles that had nothing to do with the caliber of the book, but with self-publishing.

One of the least frustrating aspects was how easy it has been to make Again in a Heartbeat an eBook. I loved the thought of people who have eReaders downloading my book.

KDP Select may not work. I can always opt out of the program. Although signing onto the program means my memoir as an eBook is exclusive to Kindle, there are promotions in this program that I hope will give my book greater visibility. This does not affect the paperback, which can be purchased through numerous distributors.

Most writers who keep their ear to the ground, now know the challenges. There seems to be an unending stream of articles, Twitter posts, and Facebook page links to articles on just how tough it is for self-published authors; how publishers are scrambling to deal with the eBook phenomenon; books priced below industry standards. The war has intensified between traditional publishers and Amazon; some publishers are locking in the price of an eBook so that it sells for more than the paperback. Blog posts accuse authors who sign up for KDP Select as undermining other authors, or "giving away their life's work for free," as if the author who made the decision to join the program, which includes a free lending library for certain Kindle users, either has no mind of her own or is greedy.

I believe when you write a book the goal should be to connect with others through storytelling. When forces are at work to stop an author from making those connections due to monetary considerations and invested entitlement, it puts a whole new twist on things. You do what you have to do to get your work out there and hope for the best. The other way - believing a book with merit that is well-written will get fair treatment - doesn't always work. Some bookstores won't stock or promote, reviewers shy away, and the guardians of the literary establishment lump all self-published authors together as people who chose that route as a last resort. With Amazon none of that happens. Is it any wonder some of us have selected KDP Select? To read Again In A Heartbeat on your Kindle:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004774MOW

Here is an interesting story on what self-published and independent authors are saying about KDP Select:
http://paidcontent.org/article/419-self-published-authors-debate-amazons-kdp-select/

Women's Writing and Validation

2011-12-12T14:01:00.003-05:00

Whenever there is validation, that is good. Whenever there is validation for what you are writing about, that is even better. Validation is not only necessary, it is the fuel that keeps writers - especially women writers - writing. Although it is hard to discuss our writing and at times feels uncomfortable to share and critique, we come to the Circle for the validation that what we write is real.

As one woman who came to Saturday's read-around revealed - no one in her family reads her work. They know she is a poet, that she is working hard on her writing, but they don't bother to read what she has written. When I wrote my memoir, the same thing happened. My family expressed little to no interest in reading the book which was not all that surprising to me. There might be something there they were not prepared to know. Anyway, I wrote the book because I wanted to write something true that I had experienced about lost dreams and youth. The audience would come or it wouldn't, but the important thing was getting it down on paper.

When we come to the Women's Writing Circle, we are getting validation for having the courage to put pen to paper. The thoughts are honest, the stories heartfelt and the group is open to what they think and how the work might be improved or not. It is more complicated than that, but distills as best I can what our writing circle is about. I have rarely, if ever, sensed any mean intent, rather some poorly-worded comments about the work that were hurtful to the author, but not intentionally meant to be so - or at least I hope not. Instead, there is goodwill over coffee and tea in an excellent setting, as well as a longing to connect with each other through the stories and support the lonely but necessary work of writing.

So it will continue in 2012 and for as long as it feels right and worthwhile for the group.

All the best to my sisters in the Writing Circle.
Susan

PS That's Jan Backes in the upper righthand photo. Her poem, "Bird Soar," which she brought to her first read-around of the Circle is featured on this week's Homepage of poetrysoup.com

The Writer's Emotional Connection

2011-12-07T10:57:00.001-05:00

Writers offer their talents because they feel a passion to connect on matters of the heart. This is the spiritual side of writing, the side that has little to do with marketing and self-promotion.

A writer may have a wonderful gift of stringing together lovely sentences and thoughts, but if the writer is not in the piece, it is hardly worth the paper it is printed on. Rather, it becomes a cerebral exercise, a study in one person viewing life from a distance, like a doctor who doesn't see that the patient is really himself.

For the writer, exploring the emotional landscape is the greatest joy of writing. Writers are people too and they want and need to express their feelings, their own woundedness. As a friend said to me, all writers are wounded. It is true. Otherwise, why write? Why examine our human condition, reflect . . . try and make sense of it all, and, hopefully, heal?

Believe this if you believe nothing else. Connecting with our own emotions inevitably leads to connecting with our readers'. As the year draws to a close, I think about ways to do that which I have shared in my writing workshops.

What is the universal emotion you wish to convey?
Engage the reader through colorful details, lively and true dialogue, characters who are not all black and white, but shades of blue and gray.
Reflect through a character in your story. All writers want to be known. Here is your chance.
Take the risk to be vulnerable. (Only when you are ready and feel strong enough.)
Consider how you feel when you are writing.
Write with your whole heart.

PROMPT: Loneliness is a powerful emotion. What do you do when you are alone? Describe the setting. What are your thoughts? Ways to start: This is how I feel when I am alone.

Going Home - Memoir

2011-12-01T21:53:00.001-05:00

Today I traveled back in time. Wayne, Pennsylvania.

I walked to the church where John and I married so many years ago. A girl with platinum blond hair in a sleek white gown with pearls at her throat takes the arm of a tall, dark-haired man with Italian good looks. He smiles as they pose in front of a red oak door . . . she never realizing she would live whole lifetimes without him.

She has raised his children, dated men whose stories have left her touched and unmoved. She has traveled to places they only dreamed of seeing; Italy, France, Australia. Yet he has never left her side.

I am a former reporter for a city newspaper, the mother of two amazing sons, a writer, author and editor. The dream has come true for the girl who never fit in; the girl who wanted a life of romance, travel and adventure. The girl who wanted to eat life up, take it by the horns.

Today I found myself walking the same sidewalks from decades before. I used to buy tickets for movies at the Anthony Wayne Theater. "Jason and the Argonauts." Remember the hydra, the monsters? The ticket taker accused me of lying about my age to get the cheaper ticket. I was tall, towered above the boys my age. "You're trying to tell me you're only 12?" she sneered. I stood my ground.

Wayne wasn't a kind place if you were different, gangly, had nothing to do with country clubs. All you wanted was escape. Now you find yourself here again. The shops have changed. Harrison's Department Store is gone, as is the Rexall drugstore with its soda fountain, Woolworth's with its plastic flowers and bargain hosiery. You ask a young woman in the coffee shop if this wasn't once a photography studio. She just looks at you. "Its been a coffee shop for years." When you tell her when you graduated from high school in this town, she smiles. "Wow," is all she says.

Wayne Presbyterian where John and I wed.

Going "home" . . . Memories of a handsome brother who bought into the fast cars, the leather briefcases, the salesman pitch that eventually killed him. A mother who shopped supermarkets for bargains in an ankle-length raccoon coat and red high heels, flirting with the butcher. The girl who found escape by typing away on a Smith Corona until 2 a.m..

Was it a dream? They are all dead now. You are the sole survivor. Here you stand in the same town, the same maple trees shadowing the red oak door where you and he stood after taking your vows. He whispers in your ear. "I love you. I always have."

You cry. Then you straighten your shoulders. You realize how lucky you are. You grab the keys to your car, start the engine and leave the town behind.

Memoir Becomes Story - A Prompt

2011-11-27T16:49:00.001-05:00

Memoir is often maligned as self-indulgent, unimaginative and inconsequential. Yet what writer has not written memoir, even if cloaked as fiction? It is what you do with the story, how you make it larger than your own experience, that determines its appeal. . . how you take the ordinary and turn it into the extraordinary.

Does writing memoir make one less an artist than writing fiction because the writer can't be bothered to make things up? What blurring exists between fiction and non-fiction? And is it important as long as the story is true?

A recent New York Times book review discussed the impact of releasing Ernest Hemingway's letters and photographs. One photograph of Hemingway drinking with friends at a table in Pamplona includes a caption that states that everyone in the picture was a character in The Sun Also Rises, only given a pseudonym.

Laments the reviewer, Arthur Phillips: "Hemingway shaped real people and events into stories, but he also explicitly said stories and memories were different. The fiction was meant to serve a larger purpose. It seems the life project of some scholars (and now even his granddaughter) is to shout him down, to remind us only to read his great works small.

Phillips also writes that the fascination with Hemingway, the man, kills — or at least weakens — the power of his fiction, limits how we think of it. We start to read it small, view it as merely well-pruned memoir. It becomes an illustration of his life (“Oh, that character’s really his first wife”), when of course the best of his fiction is unique because it is not just one man’s story. It is great art because of its range of possible meanings and effects. His finest fiction is vast, universal, open to interpretation, changeable and debatable, intentionally opaque, impersonal. It is ours, not his."

A writing prompt for our Dec. 10 read-around.

Take a memory and find in it a story.
Consider the theme or message you wish to convey.
Give the story emotional resonance.
Keep in mind that persona is a vehicle to express yourself as narrator whether her name is yours or not.

Staying Connected Through Writing

2011-11-19T19:34:00.003-05:00

Writing is an isolating endeavor. How to break that and find connection with like-minded human beings? Join a writing group. The problem - writing groups in my area were few and far between.

I would start my own group as a way to connect and make this business of writing a little less lonely. What I didn't realize was that this would not be my group, but our group.

Today, as we celebrate the two-year anniversary of the Women's Writing Circle, we also celebrate camaraderie and friendships - an unexpected benefit.

t In a world that has become increasingly dehumanizing and where people are glued to their cell phones or iPhones - isolation has intensified. We are prisoners of technology.

In the Circle, we rediscover conversation and community. Our stories are varied and rich. We support and encourage each other. We hear a human voice responding to the expression of being human. A year ago I started a critique group. This has also been a way to learn from each other.

To the women who have offered their voices, vulnerability and talents and have helped us stay connected as human beings. . . . thank you. I feel blessed to have shared with you.

Writing From the Heart

2011-11-15T08:15:00.000-05:00

Whenever I travel, as I did this past month to China, I set a goal to get some writing done. I write from my own experiences and travel provides an eye-opening window to thoughts and new perspective that I hope to capture before returning home.

How can one not be moved to contemplate life's greater meaning when visiting the Hong Kong Museum of Art and seeing the work of Johnson Chow Su-sing as I did this past October? Chow writes that many of the majestic landscapes, flowers and birds of the world inspired him to paint and understand the mysteries of nature. http://www.ccaf-vancouver.com/chinese_painting/Chow%20Su-Sing/Chow-Su-Sing_ch.htm

Writing is similar in that it allows us to explore the landscape of our lives. We find in stories we want, need to write, a path to unraveling the mysteries; not just of our own lives, but maybe even the people who have most influenced us.

Mural by Chow Su-sing

As I sat in the airport in Beijing waiting to come home to Philadelphia, I met a woman who asked me what I did. I told her that I was a former journalist, but over the last several years had written a memoir and started a writing circle for women as a way for women to find their voice. "I started writing something," she confided, "but it led to a place where I just couldn't go. It was too unsettling, too frightening, so I stopped."

Writing from the heart is often unsettling until a sufficient detachment sets in. Like the artist who views the landscape and then attempts to render its majesty and mystery on canvas, a certain letting go of the ego, so to speak, is required. This isn't so much about me, as about the broader view of something greater than myself, a voice whispers. This, I believe, is the voice of the artist speaking.

In Asia, Buddhist philosophy centers around the concept that "causes and effects come from the mind. Everything changes when our mind changes."

Giant Buddha, Lantau Island, Hong Kong

How can we apply that to our writing? How can we step back and take the longer, broader view, and create something that not only extinguishes pain, but brings joy and understanding, even ecstasy? I leave it to you to decide, but I know I will be working on that in my own writing now and, hopefully, in the future.

A Writing Anniversary

2011-10-23T20:47:00.004-04:00

A woman's work never ends. All of us who write know how hard it is . . . how much dedication it takes. Together we support each other.

Establish contact.
Explore our voices.

Create a reverent space for writing.

Dream your dream. Don't let anyone derail you. Keep writing. People are wary of writing. Sometimes those people are family and friends. Push yourself a little further even when you think you have nothing more to say.

Join us from 9 - 11:30 a.m. November 19 at Wellington Square Bookshop as we celebrate the second anniversary of the Women's Writing Circle. Our read-around will offer surprises and more.

The past two years have been a journey of voices, stories, talent and trust. I look forward to more time together as our voices resonate with the joy of writing. All genres and experience levels welcome.

http://www.wellingtonsquarebooks.com/

Persona In Memoir - A Writing Prompt

2011-10-19T10:29:00.000-04:00

Have you ever wondered how different your life would be if one of its most defining moments had never happened? Or if you stepped aside and tried to look dispassionately at a situation from another person's perspective? These are strategies to create persona. Persona is the voice of the narrator in the story; in memoir it is you, the author.

As Vivian Gornick writes in The Art of Personal Narrative, "self-centeredness doesn't work." Rather, what works is "transforming detached empathy and making it something of value to the disinterested reader."

How might one accomplish that in memoir? One way is to play around with provocative questions and then write. For example, "Who was she to her mother?" and "Who was the mother to her?" lead to very different versions of the story.

The narrator in memoir is the guide not just to story, but to the inward journey that takes the reader on a voyage of discovery. This cannot be accomplished simply by "lying down on the couch in public," as Gornick says, and writing in a "whining and accusatory voice." Rather, it requires stepping back and giving structure, shapeliness and expression to that story.

A persona allows freedom to explore humor, irony and other emotions. It can be fun and satisfying for the writer.Our prompt is to experiment with persona. Create a voice that is emotionally expressive, but detached.

If this had not happened (you fill in the blank), how different my life would have been.
If I had not stepped inside (the store, the house, the school) that day . . .

Write a scene from another character's point of view. Have a conversation with your mother when she was the age you are now. Let her talk about how she sees her life.

As always, if these prompts do not suit, please bring to our Circle what your muse inspires. I will see everyone on November 19 at Wellington Square. This is the third Saturday of the month because I am traveling the second Saturday of the month.

Your blank page is waiting . . .
Susan

Highlights From Mastering Writing

2011-10-11T20:19:00.000-04:00

Courage, illumination, potent information, a powerful personal experience . . . words on soul/index cards left in the Circle from writers who participated in our Mastering Writing weekend workshop.

Grilled cheese sandwiches and salads at Lion's Share in Exton as we broke for lunch on Saturday. Mushroom and pepperoni pizza at VIP in Chester Springs on a glowing October Indian Summer Sunday.

Back to the inn for writing - the Fairfield Inn where the Brandywine/Lionville room was our home for the weekend. Apple cider, lemonade, butter cookies and pretzels to chomp on while we wrote. Many, many thanks to the Fairfield Inn for Continental breakfasts of Belgian waffles, yogurt, fruit and eggs, and 24-hour coffee.

"I brought a blank page, my soul and a few pieces of my work," Flo said.

"I brought a mind and spirit open to learning and sharing," Harriet wrote.

Critique on Saturday afternoon. Painful, illuminating and constructive.

On another soul card . . . "I take away the knowledge that the human experience - especially of women - enriches, satisfies, fills some empty spaces."

Cindy and I wanted to foster a reverent space for writing - where we could step away from a world filled with noise and distractions and enter a place that allowed our writing to flourish and our voices to be heard. Between instruction in the craft of writing and exploration of why we write, we all learned from each other.

I left our workshop feeling privileged to hear poetry, short stories, and excerpts of memoir from a diverse group of talented writers. Thank you for keeping the magic alive.

Susan

Writing and Believing

2011-10-06T10:45:00.001-04:00

Last night I watched the HBO documentary on George Harrison, Living in the Material World. I was struck by Harrison saying how even after writing song after song, he still hoped to write what he considered a "good song."

That got me thinking about what Natalie Goldberg wrote in her classic book, Writing Down the Bones. Goldberg said we have trouble "connecting with our own confident voice and even when we do connect with it, we have trouble claiming it."

The doubt that besets artists after people tell them they love their work is all too familiar. They are amazed since they don't believe it themselves.

When people tell me they loved my memoir, I often think they say that just to be kind because I know I could have written a much better book. When that happens, I want to stop writing. Then I go home and try to remind myself that confidence is necessary if I want to continue to write. For the very act of writing is risking vulnerability. It is opening yourself not only to the criticism of others, but to your own censorship and fear.

It comes down to trusting your voice and writing about it and then, as Goldberg says, "acknowledging it and standing behind it."

Luckily for us, Harrison's inability at times to claim his greatness was offset by a charming bravado that surely helped him become the writer he was. For he said that if Lennon and McCartney could write songs, then "anyone could." And with that he penned his first song, "Don't Bother Me." Maybe it wasn't a great song, but look at what came after. We'll never know if he thought "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" was good enough.

Writing From the Blank Page

2011-09-28T12:03:00.000-04:00

I was having lunch with a friend and fellow writer the other day when she expressed her frustration at facing yet another revision of her novel. "Some days I feel like tossing it in the trash!" she cried. "Begone!" Then she caught herself and reflected. "Writing is hard work. Work is hard. Why should writing be any different?"

Why, indeed? This business of crafting a story from the blank page takes dedication and commitment. Yet the work is often as necessary to survival as the air we breath.

Many of the women who come to the Circle have noted that writing is a groundwire. They can unleash their deepest (and sometimes darkest) thoughts and put them on paper, thereby studying them in the light and taking away much of their power. If nothing else, writing is a way to grasp our problems and search for solutions.

Writing from the blank page is a session I will teach at our upcoming Mastering Writing Workshop on October 8 and 9. I stare at my own blank page almost every morning as I work on my new memoir. Sometimes writing prompts help, sometimes inspiration comes from looking out the window and watching the rain fall on the maple tree, which is beginning its slow transformation from green to radiant orange. Nothing stays the same, yet there is comfort in the ever-repeating cycles of the seasons.

Sometimes, it is deciding whether this morning you are writing for your eyes alone, or an audience. Even though you think people may never care to read your story, write it anyway. Who knows? A theme might emerge; something funny or ironic that can be expanded later. Many times people suggest "fastwrites" which is merely writing at will and letting the pen dump on the page. From there a story might surface, for it is true that we write about that which most interests us, or has captured our attention.

So while writing is hard work, it is also a touchstone to moving from the blank page to a story. All I can say to my friend, to myself and to anyone who is writing, do not ever give up on a story that you believe is worth telling. Have faith in your own story's surprising journey.

The Case for Editing

2011-09-15T11:11:00.001-04:00

Authors talking up their books at a book sale.

I recently visited a bookstore and spoke to the manager. We discussed how an author might get her book in the store. "I always advise people, make sure you hire an editor." She pointed to a table brimming with books. "This is what you are up against."

The case for hiring a professional editor cannot be overstated, not just for self-published authors, but writers going the traditional publishing route. I work with writers. Unfortunately, some believe they can cut corners when it comes to editing. This is a huge mistake.

Their reasoning goes something like this: I will have friends read it and then decide if I need an editor. Or - I know someone in the publishing business who offered to read my manuscript for free. Another - If my manuscript gets picked up by a traditional publisher, it will get a thorough content and copy edit. Why pay anything now?

I have always recommended you consider asking "discerning" friends if they will do the favor of reading all or part of your book. The key is discerning. I could give my book to any number of people, but whether they can offer an honest and valuable critique is another matter. This is one of the reasons I started the Women's Writing Circle critique group. We are writers critiquing other writers. Friends are not always qualified to help you craft a scene or discuss a character's motivation. Friends, no matter what their background, are not invested in your project like a professional editor who is paid for their services. In addition, people are busy. Asking a friend to read a 200-page manuscript is asking a lot.

International Women's Writing Guild book sale.

While the dream of finding a traditional publisher is uppermost for many, the odds that an unknown author finds a home with a Random House or Knopf are not good. If you query a literary agent, the first thing they will notice is the typo, the lack of compelling narrative, the stiff dialogue. Why not make sure your manuscript is as near perfect as possible before you go through the endless hours of querying an agent? (Some toss after the first paragraph, but that is another discussion.)

Recently, a woman came to the Circle. She confessed she spent as many hours on query letters as writing her book!

When I work with clients or hire my own editor, I value expertise and the collaborative process. What I look for in an editor:

Is she a writer? Has she been published? Is she available to meet for coffee? Will she take the time to chat on the phone and go over the editing? Can she catch an error that saves me the embarrassment of having written something inaccurate, or possibly misleading? Is she kind and encouraging? Is she discerning and honest? Will she tell me what works . . . what doesn't? Does she include proofreading with the content edit?

Your book is your baby. You put your heart and soul into it. Criticism is hard to accept for some writers, yet criticism/editing is integral to the writing process. It is also rewarding and fun. Why? It is a learning experience. Most of all, at the end of the process you have something much richer than you might have imagined, not just for your readers, but yourself.

For Susan's editing services: http://www.susanweidener.com/p/editing-and-writing-services.html

A Journey - A Memoir Quilt

2011-09-11T15:36:00.003-04:00

What would you take if you were packing for a special journey? What would you make room for in your bag? Would it be a bird's feather, a velvet ribbon? A dried and pressed rose, a photograph of one you love? Would you leave room for sadness . . . for a song, for a memory, for lightness of heart?

Diane and Ginger hold the memoir quilt.

Diane will pack her hand-sewn memoir quilt . . . and the sounds of the Circle. Creativity is messy. Ice cream always helps. Think for yourself. Treasure true friends. Breathe deeply. Everyone has a story.

Colorful patches we can all live by.

As Diane faces a great challenge this week at Cleveland Clinic, she took with her a journal from Pat, brimming with hand-written quotes above the blank page; a book of poetry, penned and published by Emma; a hand-knitted scarlet scarf with silver stars from Beth; and from me, an amethyst-colored stone from Mount Lemmon in Tucson. This is our "talking stone" that we hold when we read to each other. Diane will keep the stone until she returns to the Circle next month.

What would you take on your journey? I think I might like to take this feeling of intimacy. . . that like the threads and patches in Diane's quilt, we are all interwoven.

Safe travels, Diane.

Renewal Through Memoir

2011-09-07T13:24:00.001-04:00

As I listen to interviews and read stories this week about how trauma affects people differently, I can't help relate it to my own life.

My late husband, John Cavalieri, would have celebrated his 64th birthday on September 11. Our son, Daniel, will celebrate his 24th birthday the same day. I wrote about this special day in my memoir. It is hard to believe that this would also become a day when a nation confronts its own trauma. Every year at this time, I listen to the stories of loss. And I relive my own.

Writing my memoir helped me heal from much of the grief surrounding my husband's long, slow death. It was a seven-year ordeal that was both psychologically and personally devastating considering he was 39-years-old when he was diagnosed with cancer and I was six months pregnant. Writing about his final days, I found that the memories of that time began to lose their power to traumatize me. Just as helpful was talking about those memories yet again at book signings and with readers who had suffered their own loss.

In the end, it is how we deal with trauma that defines whether we can move on and create something new from tragedy. Many days I was stuck in the darkness of the past. Then, as always, my writing rescued me. Writing is what I do and what I have always done. It has saved me on more than one occasion.

My memoir helped me create something new, not just as an author, but as a human being. By offering others a chance to write their stories through the validation that is the Women's Writing Circle, I found much of the support and validation I needed. In the Circle we listen to stories of pain and renewal, loss and hope. Through the generosity that is writing from the heart, we share our hopes and dreams, our tragedy and our triumph.

Each month in the Circle I "see" the resilience of the human spirit. From my perspective, it seems we are all doing our best to move on and create something new and meaningful with our lives through writing and sharing our stories. What better gift to each other than that.

All Our Sundays . . . A Prompt

2011-08-30T18:42:00.010-04:00

As our September 10 read-around at Wellington Square approaches, I think of this prompt: All our Sundays were mostly alike. I liked it so much, I used it in my new memoir, Morning at Wellington Square, which is about my writing life. I encourage you to try it as a prompt for our read-around. This is a good life writing exercise. For more information about the read-around: http://www.susanweidener.com/p/circle-read-arounds.html

All our Sundays were mostly alike. Dad and I walked to the Chapel of St. Cornelius the Centurion at Valley Forge Military Academy. As we stepped inside the chapel, we saw a blue and red stained-glass window depicting George Washington. He was on one knee, praying in the snow at Valley Forge.

Since Dad was dean of the academy, we had our own pew in the back of the chapel. My prayer was that the cadets wouldn't notice me. They marched in formation down the main aisle, stopped, waited for the command. “Be seated!” Six hundred cadets sat in unison, heels clicking, sabers smacking against gray wool trousers. So many boys, all in rows in front of me! I studied the back of heads, buzz cuts, profiles. As they marched out at the end of the service , I felt their eyes glancing my way. I wanted to disappear under the wooden pew. Even though Dad thought I was pretty, I knew better. I favored big hats with brims that shielded my face so the cadets couldn’t get too close a look.

When I went home, I dreamed of falling in love, but feared love would never come my way. My mother's lamb roast permeated the house, along with Maurice Chevalier singing, "I'm glad I'm not young anymore . . ." playing on the stereo. It was true. It wasn't easy being 16-years-old and filled with longing and a lack of self-confidence, wondering where it would all lead someday.

As I sat in chapel Sunday after Sunday with Washington praying above my head, I never would have imagined that one day I would meet a man, not a Valley Forge cadet, but a former West Pointer . . . just a short walk from that chapel . . . or that he would forever change my life with the words, “I fell in love with you the moment I saw you.”

Good Reporting Makes Good Storytelling

2011-08-17T11:09:00.000-04:00

My parents, Andrew and Gertrude, circa 1940.

As a member of the Fourth Estate for almost 30 years, I learned the importance of economy of words. I also learned how to get to the heart of the story, how to interview people and pay attention to details. Good reporting is crucial not just in newspaper work, but in crafting your book, whether it be fiction or non-fiction.

In the end you can save a lot of time and energy by concentrating on how you want to organize and tell your story. Do the research, the "legwork," as we used to call it in the business and you are on your way.

Gathering information for your story is key. What exactly does this mean?

Take the time to sort through old photographs, records and other memorabilia in order to paint an accurate portrait of your subject. I have begun doing this with photographs of my parents when they were young and in love, studying the style of dress, the smiles that tell a story in themselves.

Interview people about your subject and then grab onto the best quotes to liven the story and keep it from being flat. They don't call them "sound bites" for nothing. Not that I am advocating sound bites in terms of picking up something the person said and taking it out of context, but using it as a springboard to capture reader interest and expand from there.

Observe your subject . . . his or her gestures, facial movements. Listen to the sound of his voice, his unique intonations. Work with all your senses when you go about bringing the person "alive" in your writing.
What year did the person die? What were the circumstances surrounding his death? I heard a lovely and tragic story the other day about a person who died before his time, but the writer forgot to mention how old the person was at the time of his death. These are details that can make or break your story.

What time period are you writing about? What was a defining or seminal moment of the era? Historical context adds to the flavor and is key to the story's atmosphere and mood.

Keep it tight. Don't use 20 words when 10 will suffice.

When I was a journalist, I interviewed people from all walks of life. I found that getting to the heart of the person's story meant asking the compelling questions, the ones I felt I would want to know the answers to if I were reading the story. It meant approaching people with an open heart and mind. It meant understanding motivation, what drives a person to do what they do and putting that in context with their accomplishments, their goals, their backgrounds.

Some people can report and some people can report and offer a beautifully compelling portrait. Everyone is a study in contrasts, good and bad, strength and weakness. Nothing is black and white.

Stay With the Line You Can't Finish . . . A Prompt

2011-08-14T14:53:00.000-04:00

Consider this verse from poet David Whyte: "Stay with the line you can't finish . . that's where the shame is that's blocking the revelation."

And so I offer up the writing prompt. Stay with the line you can't finish...

In my memoir, I wrote of the shame I felt when I yelled at my terminally-ill husband. "What good are you as a father? I wish I'd never met you!" And in the following scene, I tell John, "I didn't mean what I said. It's just that I can't bear to live without you." Writing about my shame led to the revelation of the depth of my love for him.

At yesterday's Circle we spoke how writing comes with risk-taking. We also spoke how empowering writing is because it lets us find and hone our voices; it allows us - permits us - to relive a memory, hold it, examine it, and understand it through the structure and form of the written word.

Shame blocks revelation, which blocks the "truth" of our stories. I refuse to feel shame because my words threaten some and lead to condemnation.

"I have walked over these roads and found them living," Ezra Pound said.

Take that walk today with your writing. Stay with the line you can't finish . . . and see where it leads. You might be surprised.

Self-Publishing One Year Later

2011-07-27T13:09:00.003-04:00

It was one year ago today that I signed off on the paperback edition of Again in a Heartbeat, my memoir. I had self-published the book. So much has changed in one short year about how self-publishing is viewed that it has felt like riding a huge, cresting wave. What was once considered risky is now becoming mainstream as more people hop on the self-publishing bandwagon.

The rise of eBooks and the reader's love of paperbacks - now prompting traditional publishers to abandon the hardback and go for the paperback, sometimes less than four months after the book's initial release - all point to one thing. Self-publishing. Why? Because eBooks and paperbacks are the bread and butter of self-publishing.

Things I have learned this year about being a self-published author:

Do your research before you select a self-publishing company.

Pay special attention to working with your design team so that the cover is simple, beautiful and expressive of the book's central theme.

Take advantage of publishing packages that offer eBook formatting at little additional cost.

Do not expect huge sales once you hold the product in hand. Instead, believe in your book and view marketing it as a lifelong endeavor. Your book has unlimited shelf life this way. So what if you only sell 200 books the first year? Who cares as long as the book continues to sell and you recoup your initial investment, which you will if you take the time to market your work.

Keep remembering why you wrote the book in the first place. You had a story to tell and you believed that story would resonate with readers.

Get over the fact that self-promotion can feel uncomfortable. Promote, promote, promote, but do it with sensitivity. No overkill. Talk to the people who read your book. Thank them for buying it.

Tie your book into other initiatives. Sign up for a table at a local book festival, blog about writing your book, attend Open Mic nights. Provide a link on your blog or website that makes ordering your book easy.

Convince yourself that self-publishing is no longer looked down on. Why? Because it is true. This has been one of the most dramatic changes I have noticed in the last year. Self-publishing has become increasingly credible in the changing marketplace of Internet sales and the (unfortunate) demise of many bookstores.

Be counterintuitive. If you still fear POD (print-on-demand) has a bad reputation, turn it around. Announce early on that you love never having to worry about a garage full of books.

Enjoy those royalty checks when they are posted each and every month to your online bank account.

Never lose the thrill, the feeling of excitement, when you hold your book in hand. It is an accomplishment of which you deserve to be proud!

Conversation With My Body

2011-07-23T12:31:00.003-04:00

As summer winds down I am thinking about the shorts and bathing suits that have offered up a good, long look every day of my legs and arms, my hands and my feet. I wonder . . . what if my body could talk? What would it say as I slather it with suntan lotion, douse it in chlorinated pool water, listen to its heart beating late at night as I try to sleep? What would be the sound of its voice? Would it speak in a whisper, a grumble, a throaty contralto, a booming bass?

Our writing prompt for the August 13 read-around at Wellington Square: A Conversation With My Body.

This prompt is a chance to practice your skills at dialogue as you talk and your body answers. Maybe you want this conversation to take place when you were a child; maybe now as you look back over the years, just you and your body. Let the body become a character in the scene. Does your body control you? Define you? Love you? Hate you? Give it a name, describe it.

As always, this is just a suggestion, a prompt that may lead down other paths. And don't forget to take a deep breath before you start writing. Your body will thank you for it!

The Problem With Writing

2011-07-09T19:41:00.000-04:00

The problem with writing. It is hard work. It means digging up stuff you didn't want to deal with anymore. You're tired. If you could just pull back the covers, get out of bed . . .

She was an automaton, cynical, on autopilot. She vetoed the journey of enlightenment and self-awareness. Why bother? But wait. Maybe if there were others to help . . . a community of kindred spirits.

Writing is transformative. Writing heals. Writing breaks the silence. As we light the candle and open the Circle, we feel alchemy. Something magical is about to happen.

This morning at Wellington Square we read to each other the history of our writing lives. "Writing is a mirror in which I meet myself," Ginger wrote.

"There is a lightness of spirit when I write," Pat wrote. "I explore my imagination."

We are finding our voice.

Here's the rub. The outside world - worse, our family - would have us stay silent. You are too outspoken for a girl! The world doesn't need another book, a husband says. Why are you writing, a daughter demands? What could you possibly have to to say, a son asks?

Writing is a ribbon of light weaving through murky water. It is a saunter on a warm summer day. It is a trek up a mountainside. It is as necessary as the air we breathe.

As Trish said today, "I have a right to write."

Life History of Writing - A Prompt

2011-06-28T08:33:00.000-04:00

Writers are lone rangers. We know the work is hard and soul-searching "lone ranger work." As a creative writing instructor at the Summer Writer's Conference at Yale said to us yesterday, "If you want applause, become a high diver. Don't become a writer."

The prompt for our July 9 read-around is to write a life history of your writing.

What is your first recollection of writing?
Where do you write and under what conditions?
Do you write for "your eyes only" or are you writing for publication?
Where has the journey of writing led and what have you learned along the way?

As always, if this prompt does not suit, please bring whatever else your muse inspires to our next read-around from 9 - 11:30 a.m. Saturday, July 9 at Wellington Square. Hope to see you then.

All the best,
Susan

Women Writing With Women

2011-06-22T17:31:00.002-04:00

On Friday I leave for a conference sponsored by the International Women's Writing Guild at Yale University. I look forward to women writers coming together to share creativity, insight and experience. Women will gather . . . the love of writing binds us together and helps break the isolation.

We long to - need to - find our voice through personal narrative. As I was re-reading James Hollis' Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life, I was struck by these words: "It is of paramount importance that our spirituality be validated or confirmed by fidelity to our personal experience."

For women this often happens through oral exchanges of stories in groups like the Women's Writing Circle. These exchanges lead to validation, the "aha!" moment that our experience has resonated with another.

Women can explore the unconventional life through narratives. Writing unlocks the door blocking passage to the meaning we seek . . . to a fuller, richer life.

So as I head to Yale University for women writing with women, I look forward to meeting "seekers" of personal truth, storytellers of collective plots that comprise a woman's writing life. I look forward to my own ongoing writing journey and sharing it with you.

Morning At Wellington Square

2011-06-16T21:22:00.003-04:00

My next book, Morning at Wellington Square, is about the joy and new beginning of finding life's clarity through writing. It is also about the quest to find love again.

By writing my first memoir, Again in a Heartbeat, I was able to heal. Only through healing could I offer what I had learned to other writers, hopefully giving them the strength and encouragement to write their stories, as hard as that is. It takes courage to write from the heart. More than that, I believe it takes a circle of writers coming together to say, "I hear you. This, too, I know."

Writing is a way to heal - a way to make sense of things and find our voice. Writing is also a journey and a magical one at that. But it takes a community of kindred spirits to make it happen, to ease the isolation of being a writer. This is the power of the Women's Writing Circle or any writing group you may form in your community. You realize you are not alone. Your story is mine and mine is yours. We are in this together. This is one of the messages of Morning at Wellington Square.

I stumbled upon Wellington Square one October day, one of those perfect autumn days in Pennsylvania with sharp blue skies and just a hint of winter in the air. Two Chinese stone lions graced either side of the bookstore’s front door.

I stepped inside. A marble fish sculpture fountain gurgled in the foyer, spouting water into a pale green pool with shiny coins. Cinnamon and vanilla-scented candles burned on the front desk. A full-sized human skeleton lounged on a high-backed chair, his bony fingers dangling toward the hardwood floor. Whoever owns this place has a sense of humor, I thought. Life is fleeting, absurd; but it is all we have.

Books – books on mahogany tables and in bookshelves reaching as high as the ceiling captured my attention. I loved the smell of them, the look of them, the idea of them . . . each containing something unique to its author.

In the back of the store, red and tan upholstered couches and chairs arranged in a circle around a coffee table offered charming intimacy, as if I had entered someone's living room. It occurred to me . . .this is the perfect place for a writing circle.

I had never forgotten the writing retreat in Kentucky where I first felt the magic of women sharing their stories. As night enveloped us, Mary Ann lit a candle to “open the Circle.” We began the read-around . . .

I Want To Tell My Story

2011-06-12T14:09:00.001-04:00

When a community of writers comes together, it is a mosaic of beautiful interlocking and symmetrical pieces. When writers share their work, it is a learning experience. Suddenly, you are both teacher and student.

Writing is a way to make sense of things. "It is nourishing to my soul," one writer said at our June read-around. "I want to tell my story."

Often, people think writing is merely a pastime, a superfluous hobby. It's cheaper than therapy, they laugh. They don't get it. Stories are the ultimate human connection.

Even when you are not writing, you need to be thinking about writing. What was missing in that piece, you wonder as you walk a trail? What should I title it, you ask as you lie awake in bed at night? Why is this so hard . . . such painstaking work, also comes to mind? It takes practice, just like mastering any talent. It is not a "quick finish."

Sometimes, you just follow the pen. Writing does what it does. "Writing is a gift," one woman said at yesterday's read-around.

As Canadian novelist, Margaret Atwood, author of The Handmaid's Tale puts it: "Writing, like sewing, takes one thing and makes it into another. Writing, like sewing, was always for someone, even if that someone was yourself in the future. Writing was a way of sending your voice to someone you might never meet."

Storytellers come to the Women's Writing Circle. We light the candle, talk about the joys and challenges of writing and then begin the read-around. You hope . . . maybe, just maybe, I waded through the morass, the jumble of my thoughts and emotions well enough to craft a story that resonates. You remember that summer when either tragedy or elation came your way. You needed to make sense of it. Maybe you will go back and rework it when there is greater distance. All you really know, deep inside of you, is that you needed to let it go . . . you needed to tell the story.

Writing as a Lifeline

2011-06-09T10:03:00.001-04:00

I've often talked about the healing power of writing, but no more has the truth of this hit home than now. On June 3 I lost my brother Andy Weidener to cancer. It came as a terrible shock to everyone due to how swiftly the disease moved and took him from us. Yet, his suffering was alleviated quickly and compassionately by palliative sedation through hospice. For this, everyone is eternally grateful.

In many ways it is a relief to know how modern medicine enables us to transition from this world to the next without undue anxiety and prolonged pain. Now Andy's suffering is over, but the grief has just begun for those he leaves behind - a beautiful, loving wife, two devoted daughters who adored him, many admiring friends . . . and me, Andy's "little sister Susie," seven years younger, who lost her only sibling.

I will always be grateful for having my writing at a time like this. Writing has saved my life in so many ways that it is difficult to enumerate here, but by putting into words the defining moments of our lives - the "passages" so to speak of falling in love, the birth of a child, countered with separation, loss and death - there eventually comes peace.

What a joy it is to know that someday - not now - but in the future, I can write about Andy and "relive" our time together; the day I was born and he gave me a teddy bear which I still have, the night he and his fraternity brother escorted me and my best friend to the senior prom and kept everyone guessing who those handsome older men were . . . the morning he hugged his wife, his parents and me and then straightened his shoulders and bravely boarded that plane to serve in Vietnam.

After many years of grieving, I was able to put into perspective my husband's untimely death from cancer in my memoir Again in a Heartbeat. I wrote about falling in love with John, losing him, and then coming to terms with the knowledge that in the end I needed to take Susan in my arms, love her and move on.

For those of us who are writers, we are blessed with the gift of writing as a source of strength, understanding and realization that there is a wider life out there. Our time here is fleeting. Our writing lasts and is our legacy.

So now it is back to the work of writing, coaching others to write and sharing our stories in the Circle. I look forward to many, many more years of this "moveable feast" . . . of stories and people casting each other the "lifeline" that is writing.

Summer Memory - A Prompt

2011-05-31T14:18:00.000-04:00

Do you remember the coming of age film, The Summer of '42? The movie was based on the screenwriter's memoir and recalls one summer on Nantucket Island when a teenage boy falls in love with an older woman who is awaiting the return of her husband from World War II.

As the heat here in Pennsylvania makes clear, summer is upon us. Our writing prompt for the June 11 read-around is Summer Memory.

Try writing a 900-word piece that offers up a snapshot of one special summer of your life. This prompt lets you explore some of the writing techniques we have discussed in the Circle, including mixing narrative with dialogue and adding good description rife with detail.

It also lets us dive into the emotions of a special or meaningful time. In this way, we face ourselves, if you will. What was special about that summer and what does it tell us about who we are and where we are going?

As always, if you prefer to bring something else to the Circle, please do that. We love the variety of the stories we hear. I hope to see you Saturday, June 11 as we light the candle and read our work to each other at Wellington Square Bookshop. Our read-around goes from 9 - 11:30 a.m. If you have questions, please feel free to contact me at sgweidener@comcast.net

Let The Story Reveal Itself

2011-05-26T13:37:00.000-04:00

One thing I have learned when writing a book. It takes time (not just effort and work) to let - to allow - a story to reveal itself. While numerous options are out there to quickly publish and people are urging you to "get the book out," set up readings, "target" your market before you have even finished the first chapter - the reality is this . . . writing is an art.

Good writing conjures magic. The muse comes when you least expect her. You can't demand her presence.

So you have picked the "big" story to tell - stories of pain, tragedy, redemption, love, frustration, grief. Do you want an account of these events for family and friends? Do you want to reach a wider audience? If you chose the latter, do you need to write the story again from a greater distance? Does the story need time to percolate?

You wait. Meanwhile, you keep writing, journaling. You work on allowing your "voice" to be heard because you know to be afraid of revealing, afraid of disturbing others, diminishes the story.

Believe me, I know the publishing business is falling to pieces. These are incredibly exciting times for self-published authors and people are urging you "to get on with it." You want to bring your story to an audience. But don't let your friends or anyone else tell you what to do.

Remember. Writing is art. There are no quick and easy paths to the finish line, unless you want to join the legions of hack writers. Whether you go the traditional or self-publishing route, good writing is good writing. Would you want to offer your readers anything less?

Writing Is Living Twice

2011-05-18T17:24:00.000-04:00

You want to write about the past. You need to write about it. Can you bear the feelings that come with going back? As an editor once said to me, "Writing is living twice."

Can you write about the day your big brother slung an arm around your shoulder and asked, "Hey, little sister, how about a game of cards?" And you wondered . . why? Why would this handsome guy who has girls hanging all over him want to spend time with an ugly girl like me?

Now you know better. You know you are beautiful and your story worth telling. Little sister is all grown up.

When I wrote about the past, I felt drained, transported, elated, melancholic. Be prepared for the feelings. Be prepared to bawl your eyes out. Be prepared to turn your heart inside out.

Writing memories is living twice, maybe more poignantly. If a tsunami is about to wash over you, put the pen down, close the laptop. Decompress. Take a walk. Come back to it when you are ready. It's not going anywhere.

This is your memory, your magic. It's your life and it's worth parsing over, marinating, reliving . . . everything people tell you that you shouldn't do. Why live in the past, they ask? What's the use? What's the sense? You know why and if they don't, that's their problem.

As Virginia Woolf so eloquently put it:
“I can only note that the past is beautiful

because one never realizes an emotion at the time.
It expands later, and thus
we don't have complete emotions about the present,
only about the past....
That is why we dwell on the past, I think.”

Connecting in the Circle

2011-05-14T16:56:00.000-04:00

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so I am going to be brief.

I often emphasize how energizing and humanizing sharing our stories is in a community of writers. Sometimes, it sounds like so many pretty words strung together. But when it happens - and it does over and over again in the Circle - you experience the magic. You feel it.

When a very personal, honest and courageous piece is read, everyone is moved. We are moved by the universality of our human condition - the pain, the suffering, the individual triumph over seemingly impossible odds. Sometimes, we just have to jump up, hug each other and say "thank you"!

After I wrote my memoir, I felt healed. This gave me the ability to share with other women in a way I never could have if I had not done the soul-searching work that is the lot of every good writer. The joy of the Circle is that the women are finding this to be true for themselves; they, in turn, are connecting and empowering each other with the confidence of their voice. The Circle remains unbroken. And that deserves a whole lot of hugs.

Devoting a Morning to Ourselves

2011-05-03T08:55:00.001-04:00

The Women’s Writing Circle meets 9 – 11:30 a.m. Saturday, May 14 at Wellington Square Bookshop in Eagleview Town Center, Exton, PA.

Spring is busy with many activities and demands on our time as women. Can you allow yourself the luxury of committing this morning to yourself and your writing?

I am convinced that women are told it is selfish to devote time to their own passionate pursuits. It is important that women have role models. Together, we can be each other's role models in our commitment and devotion to saying "my story matters."

This is a chance to read your work to other writers in a supportive and intimate setting . As Joanna Russ writes in How to Suppress Women's Writing: "Without models, it's hard to work; without a context, difficult to evaluate; without peers, nearly impossible to speak."

All genres are welcome in the Circle, as are both published and unpublished writers. Our group is diverse and lively. Our writing prompt for May is to describe something ordinary in rich detail, turning it into the extraordinary. There is a $5 fee to participate in the read-around. Please join us for coffee and tea and a love of writing. For additional information and questions, please email me at sgweidener@comcast.net

Writers Critiquing Writers

2011-04-30T22:12:00.007-04:00

Critique groups work. Writers recognize the missing signposts, the scenes that speak to the reader and those that don't. Don’t try to kid a writer. If it doesn’t work, they know it.

This is the value of critique. Writers are the best evaluators of other writers. Why? They have spent much of their lives reading books, opinion columns, newspapers, magazine pieces. They know the “map” of good writing like the back of their hand.

As our first critique session of the Women’s Writing Circle unfolded, the authors’ comments ranged from: “I am so excited,” to “Thank you. I feel energized to go home and incorporate these suggestions.”

What a gift to give each other. What a joy revision can be in a supportive environment that encourages voice.

You can read and reread your pages, but it is the objective reader who “sees” gaps, the need for more description or dialogue . . . the author's voice missing from the piece.

Where is it going? What does it say? Does it hold the reader's interest?

Coffee, vanilla-scented candles, a bookshop brimming with bookcases reaching to the ceiling all add to the creative process at Wellington Square, an independent bookstore in Exton, Pennsylvania that hosts the Women's Writing Circle. Our critique group differs from the monthly read-arounds in that we work on polishing pieces, with an eye toward publication.

We critiqued a work-in-progress about motherhood, a memoir-based short story and a book review. The willingness and desire for editing meant we were truly present with our work. Sometimes, people shy from editing because their inner critic is creating havoc with confidence. Editing is viewed with trepidation. Trepidation stifles the muse. It is the writer who is secure in herself who relishes constructive and intelligent criticism, especially in a circle of support and acceptance.

Details - A Writing Prompt

2011-04-25T10:21:00.004-04:00

The best writers are those who dig deep and give details. Instead of saying, my sister, they give her name. Instead of saying, the car, they give the make and model. It always amazes me when I read or edit new writing how something as easy and simple as the addition of details can transform the mundane to the riveting.

The writing prompt for May 14 - take something ordinary and describe it. Explore all the senses: taste, touch, sight, smell and sound.

You might describe the deep red claret of the wine, its smell, the sensation as you drink and it slowly glides down your throat. Describe the shape of the goblet - how it catches the light.

If you don't drink wine, pick something else. It could be your dog, your favorite pair of shoes, a fish market in Sydney, Australia.

One of my favorites - a first kiss. The taste of his mouth, the tingling sensation in your stomach, your sweaty palms as he moves closer.

Many times in the Circle we have repeated the refrain: "Show, don't tell." This exercise allows that. By describing in detail the ordinary, you bring the reader into the scene. Be cognizant of the verbs you use, as well as the adjectives. It is not just a flower, but a deep blue lilac. Don't drive the car down the street; maneuver the Nissan Sentra down the small alleyway.

I have always believed that most writers are also painters and photographers at heart. Writers see the colors, the shapes, the sights and sounds of the world. All of that resonates with them and is why they write. Let your heightened sensitivity and awareness of your surroundings - your need for expression - take flight on the page.

Say Goodbye to Writer's Block

2011-04-19T21:17:00.002-04:00

My writer's block has receded. The writing is coming at me in waves again. What a wonderful feeling to jump out of bed in the morning, brew the coffee and get right to it.

When you are in the vise of writer's block like I was, there isn't much you can do, but keep writing. Work on your blog, write letters, journal.

Working on a book is a journey. Like travelers on the old stagecoaches out West who entered the new frontier not knowing what they would find, I am traversing unknown terrain. The writing leads the way. Tomorrow I will push it a little further. Say the things I never had the courage to say. This time I am coming from experience. I am trusting in my own voice.

Yesterday I started work on my second book, a memoir about the Women's Writing Circle. It is also "how you too" can write a memoir, start a Circle in your community, and find an "encore" career and creative intimacy.

What I love about writing is that it opens new doors. It leads to connections with other people. An author isn't just writing and selling books. As I hope this blog has indicated, authoring a book leads to book signings, radio interviews, writing retreats, talks at the library, facilitating your own writing circle in your community.

The key is keep it small, think about the people you meet today and maybe tomorrow . . . how the love of writing and storytelling connects you. Then stop there. Wait. See what happens. Let your book build momentum. What's the rush? The bigger something gets, the less intimate it becomes, the less meaningful. It is why these big Internet networking writing groups are so impersonal. They forgot what they were all about in the first place. They need to go back to the beginning.

In the back of my mind dwells the realization that writing is exhausting. It requires discipline to move forward with a project and see it to conclusion. I knew that going into it. Discipline is good. It keeps me on my toes. It keeps me from getting lazy. Like a traveler on a stagecoach, I will get dusty and tired. But just over the horizon is a new vista, a place I've never seen. It doesn't get much better than that.

Writing Is A Conversation With Life

2011-04-17T09:40:00.000-04:00

Writing is a conversation with life. And nowhere is it more evident than in a group of women gathered together to share life's journey through writing.

"Begin at the end," Ginger suggested yesterday at the Women's Writing Circle read-around.

Trace backwards to what got you there in the first place. As writers we are time travelers, moving freely between our past and present.

Many times women struggle with feeling they have no right to put their deepest and most profound thoughts on paper. Yet isn't that the tipping point - to go beyond and open ourselves to what writing has to teach?

Ginger shares her work as Sharon looks on.

After Trish read a poem she had written about the death of a spouse, she said she struggled, wondering if she had "the right to write it," since her husband had beaten his cancer, whereas a friend had lost her husband. "But you have experienced it," Maureen responded. Trish experienced the desolation and grief of her husband's illness and then looked beyond to what her life would mean without him.

As I widow, I felt the truth of her poem: "But when I am lonely, Or tired, or scared, I feel you near me . . . Like a breath of fresh air."

Sharon wrote about the townhouse she bought and the memory of standing at the dining room window looking out on a "sweeping front lawn". From the description of her new home poured the deeper meaning of divorce: loneliness, loss and new found independence.

Good detail and description boosts our writing and frees us.

Diane

"I am falling in love with my home again," Diane wrote. She wrote about "purging" herself of the clutter of possessions from a past life and the joy of buying an aqua glass coffee table to celebrate the new. She wrote about removing another kind of clutter .. . "high maintenance friendships."

As Natalie Goldberg writes in her classic Writing Down the Bones, Freeing the Writer Within, "Push yourself beyond when you think you are done with what you have to say. Go a little further . . . touch down into something real. It is beyond the point when you think you are done that often something strong comes out."

Writing is a conversation with our lives - an ongoing conversation. "Ride the wave," as Goldberg says. Share your story. Help me share mine.

Maureen

Again In A Heartbeat - A Therapist's View of the Memoir

2011-04-15T10:54:00.002-04:00

I received this letter from a therapist and grief counselor about my memoir.

"I read 'Again in a Heartbeat' with the soul of a romantic and the eyes of a therapist. Ms. Weidener’s beautifully written work is a memoir of her husband, John, and their life together.

When Susan and John met it was love at first sight...the stuff of fairy tales. As Ms. Weidener describes their feelings for one another, I found myself cheering . . . finding a soulmate still happens to a lucky few. I was all set for a happy ending until real life intervened. Most couples face challenges along the way, but few are tested so early and severely. Could their love prevail against the formidable enemy of a life threatening illness?

Ms. Weidener doesn’t hold back on emotional honesty, nor about the rough patches they went through. Despite “loosing it” at times, they trusted each other enough to express their difficulty in coping with this destructive force - cancer - which invaded their lives. In the end, the qualities of love which St. Paul describes, “love is patient, love is kind...” come through.

Most professionals realize there is more than one patient in a life threatening illness...the whole family suffers. I wish there had been someone there to interpret John’s behavior for Susan. Many patients want to spare their loved ones the pain of final separation, so they withdraw emotionally toward the end. Unless the process is explained, family members frequently feel confused and rejected.

In 'Again in a Heartbeat' Ms. Weidener has given therapists an excellent tool for opening up dialogue between couples coping with a serious illness. Perhaps by writing about their experience, Susan and John will spare others pain. Death may have taken John’s body, but his spirit lives on in Susan. Together they wrote another chapter in life’s book 'Profiles in Courage'."
Elizabeth A. Madden, MSW

Author's note: I "battled" John's cancer just as he did. For him, the fight was over after seven years. For me, it took another 13 years before I could write what the disease did to him, our family, and my life after his death. By writing Again in a Heartbeat, I put aside much of the anguish plaguing me for years and in the process now hold a book that hopefully helps families and caregivers. This is the healing power of memoir. Susan G. Weidener

The Road to Pendle Hill

2011-04-11T10:17:00.009-04:00

Like all journeys in life, the road to Pendle Hill had twists and turns. I had never facilitated a weekend writing retreat before. I had attended retreats, but running one myself, which meant keeping to a schedule, making sure the writing time was balanced with instruction, insight and accomplishment, was a first.

We met Friday night in Waysmeet House, having driven to Pendle Hill in a rainstorm and bumper-to-bumper traffic. One of the writers had called to say a family emergency meant she would have to cancel; another woman was unable to break away and come to Pendle Hill until Saturday morning.

But once inside my worry disappeared. Seven of us gathered in a circle, lit the candle in a room with fireplace, paintings and books and began our weekend. We read excerpts from memoirs we loved and had touched us. We set our intentions for the weekend, centered on writing from life - the name of our retreat. We began the work of getting it on paper, shutting out the world, leaving the "to-do" list behind and learning to be in the moment, quiet and still.

Our read-around Saturday night was more than some had anticipated. The solitude and beauty of this Pennsylvania Quaker residential retreat, abloom in lush springtime flowers, had worked its magic. The rain was gone and the sun came out. Some had tackled the defining moments of their lives and begun writing about it for the first time.

I believe happiness comes with a commitment not to let others derail you from what you know you need to do to find meaning and joy. Healthy self-love that your story is important and unique is crucial. So is the courage to let the words lead you where they must.

As we closed out our retreat on Sunday afternoon, we gathered in front of Waysmeet for farewells. "I came to this with the fear of not being accepted," Ellen said. "I leave with acceptance and listening, heartfelt ears."

Much of life's success comes when you believe you have skill and talent; that you are worthy. But without encouragement from others, or just one person who says, "You can do this," that confidence can't happen. I thank Beth who gave me the confidence to facilitate our weekend.

"I leave so much richer . . .," Diane wrote.

I, too, leave richer because of the women who gave of themselves and trusted. I feel I have taken with me the memories of and for a lifetime. In many ways, all roads lead to Pendle Hill.

Celebrating Writing From Life

2011-04-07T19:57:00.002-04:00

Life is good when you are preparing to enter a 48-hour window entirely devoted to exploring your creative life and shutting out distractions of the outside world.

As the weekend nears, I look forward to facilitating "Writing From Life," a retreat at Pendle Hill in Wallingford, Pennsylvania near Swarthmore College.

I am thankful for the women who will be attending the retreat, dedicated as they are to memoir as a way of healing and sharing their stories in the Circle. When you write the truth of your story . . . whether it be about your parents, your spouse, friends or lovers, you forgive yourself. If you can, you remove the "cellophane" and reveal yourself in the memoir.

As women we are constantly bombarded with demands. "Coping" is "women's work" . . . keeping house, making sure our children are on the right track, grocery shopping, ensuring the dog has had her dinner. We are the glue.

Which is why we owe it to ourselves to enter the world of writing and try and make sense of it all. Our strength as women is reinforced by our writing, giving us the fortitude after a time of reflection to return to what we must do.

This weekend of gathering is intent on the spiritual; reaffirming and energizing. It is a time to focus on ourselves as women and on our creativity - without apology. I know that the women who are participating in Writing From Life will give me more than I could ever possibly give them. I celebrate writing with them.

Forget The Chocolate And Listen

2011-04-04T18:21:00.004-04:00

There are tips galore on what makes a book signing successful - business cards, blow-ups of your book cover, crystal dishes brimming with chocolate. Good ideas. But if there is one thing to bring above all else, it is your willingness to listen.

Writing is a solitary endeavor. It's just you and the blank sheet of paper or computer screen. All of that changes 360 degrees when you publish. Then the opportunity to meet new people, forge connections and share stories sparks a whole other experience. The journey comes full circle.

Engage people in conversation, ask them their name before signing the book, write a personal note. Most of all, listen.

"I always wanted to write a book," a man said at my book signing Saturday night. "I have an idea for a novel. It has been rolling around in my head for quite some time," he admitted.

"Writing your story must have been therapeutic," a woman offered with a wistful tone making it clear she has thought of penning her memoir.

"I would love to write a book. We all have stories to tell, don't we? Maybe when my four-year-old is grown, I will have the time," a young woman told me.

"A friend recently lost her husband," another woman confided as she held my memoir. "I am excited to be able to tell her about your book. Can she call you?"

This is the stuff of community, of life. It is also the fun part of book signings. When you offer a signing, implicit is a personal invitation to connect.

And in every conversation, a tidbit, a morsel of a future story for you as a writer may emerge more satisfying than any piece of chocolate. For isn't it true that the best writers are also the best listeners? Almost everyone wants to write. They know they have a story to tell, a story rooted in their own lives . . .a story crying to be heard. Or they have a friend who wants to write. Sometimes, all they need is that tiny ounce of encouragement . . . seeing someone just like them at a book signing willing to listen.

I Wanna Be Bill Maher

2011-03-30T18:26:00.002-04:00

Okay. I wanna be Bill Maher. Maher, who this week was criticized for calling women "twats", "bimbos" and other unmentionables, hid behind his mantra . . ."But I am a comedian. This is what the community accepts."

Okay. If this is what a comedian does, give me a break. Could a woman call a man similar sexist names and get away with it without being vilified as a "ballbuster" or other "b" or "c" words?

So this week - the last of Women's History Month, I think about how "far" and how less than far we have gone as women. C'mon women. What say you?

Now . . . what does this rant about Bill Maher have to do with women and writing, which is the purpose of this blog? I think it gets back to the mantra . . . let it all hang out. Do what you have to do, but be true, be honest and don't let your "femininity" get in the way. Because no matter what you do, you will always be labeled by the Bill Mahers of the world as a bimbo, a twat or whatever . . . that said, go for it!

Metaphor - A Writing Prompt

2011-03-28T10:37:00.002-04:00

The power of metaphor cannot be overstated. Metaphor is soulful work for the "truth" of the image you select represents something you experienced, not just as a writer, but as a human being. For that reason the image possesses a universal quality, like Emily Dickinson's bird in her famous poem, "Hope".

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

Aristotle described metaphor as: "The act of giving a thing a name that belongs to something else." Using metaphor is the writing prompt for our April 16 read-around of the Women's Writing Circle. I would suggest you use metaphor to describe universal concepts: for example, love, desire, jealousy, hope, grief, depression, sickness, betrayal.

One of the great challenges as writers is offering the reader charged and transcendent images. In my memoir, Again in a Heartbeat, I used forsythia as metaphor for the fleeting nature of love. John had planted those bushes, yet how could they bloom so brightly when he was gone? Like love, the forsythia flowers burst into a wall of sunshine, only to quickly wilt and fade. . . gone in a heartbeat.

Memoirs focus on our most intimate and significant moments and experiences. They are neither random nor lacking in purpose. Memoirs are integral to our spiritual journey of self-understanding, healing and wisdom. We must be attentive to the images, which should carefully be chosen to reflect the larger theme of our story.

Metaphor is tough, but it is the resonating ingredient in our story's recipe.

As always, if you prefer to bring something else to the Circle, please do that. It costs $5 to participate in the read-around. See you April 16 at Wellington Square.
Susan
.

Third Person Narrative

2011-03-15T17:22:00.001-04:00

Crocuses spring up.

When first person narrative becomes too painful, what to do? The answer may lie in third person. At the last read-around, we spoke of discomfort when sharing disquieting portraits of people we love.

When I read the piece at the Women's Writing Circle about my mother, I felt insecurities . . . was I being disloyal? Would I be judged for exposing my mother?

"I tried hard to please her. It was a losing proposition. It always had been. Now the older I got, the more I realized there was no point in taking it personally when nothing I did was right. She found fault, not just with me, but with everyone and everything. Like her parents and sister, Mother was a hoarder - although not of magazines, newspapers, dishware and empty shoeboxes. Mother hoarded those invisible possessions that choke the soul. She hoarded all the slights, the petty insults, all the injustices of life and took it out on those she loved."

Here's the passage in third person.

"She tried hard to please her mother. It was a losing proposition. It always had been. Now the older she got, the more she realized there was no point in taking it personally when nothing she did was right. Her mother found fault, not just with her, but with everyone and everything."

Using third person may explain why this is the most popular form of narrative. It offers distance and flexibility, using he and she, they and it, but never I.

Now this passage of autobiographical writing from Ernest Hemingway about the love he had for his longtime companion, a cat named Boise.

“That night, when he had sat in the big chair reading with Boise at his side in the chair, he had thought that he did not know what he would do if Boise should be killed. He thought, from his actions and desperation, that the cat felt the same way about the man.”

In first person, we are both narrator and a character in the story. This lends itself to greater consciousness and reflection than other narrative modes. As a character in our own story, we make judgments, explore biases and opinions. This can feel risky.

If it frees your creativity to step back and tell the story from the distance of "she" instead of "I," try it. The story could blossom like crocuses pushing up against the dead leaves of winter.

Setting Our Intentions As Writers

2011-03-12T16:39:00.001-05:00

Establishing that we love to write, indeed, that we need to write is often the easy part. The harder part - mastering the craft and becoming better writers.

It was apparent at today's Circle that one of the most useful and valuable tools in developing our own writing expertise is critiquing the work of others.

Listening and then offering comments on the flaws, as well as the beautiful descriptions, metaphors and messages, translates well when we sit down to write. Feedback is a two-way street.

So it was at the Circle. We talked about writing techniques, how to show not tell, adding the smell of the coffee, the sound of the horses' hooves, inserting ourselves more into the work, clarifying that if we let our fears and inner critic hold sway, we become paralyzed.

We understand, too, that while writing is a craft, its power often leads us. As one woman said, "I didn't chose to write. It is therapy for me." Yet another observed: "I want to use humor in my writing, but the crap keeps getting in the way." And this, "The poem just came to me. I wrote it in 30 minutes."

It seemed we set our intentions to be the best writers we can, maybe more than we have at any other read-around since I started the Women's Writing Circle in November 2009. Understanding there is goodwill, support and intelligent, non-judgmental critique coming our way, we can move egos aside and absorb constructive criticism.

Hearing your virtues as a writer - as a wordsmith - voiced by others is panacea for anyone suffering writer's block.

This was the largest read-around yet with 10 writers attending the Circle. With spring comes rebirth and renewed energy. The result: a diversity of genres, projects and voices lending to a lively discussion of writing techniques.

It was also difficult to finish within the two and a half hours we allot to the Circle. I have considered holding the Circle twice a month, either at the same venue or a different location, probably in Phoenixville. Stay tuned! For sure, our next read-around is April 16 at Wellington Square Bookshop. We will meet the third Saturday, instead of our usual second Saturday due to the Women's Writing Circle retreat weekend April 8 - 10 at Pendle Hill in Wallingford.

Thank you to my Sisters in the Writing Circle. Keep writing . . . keep writing . . . keep writing.

Susan

Keep Writing, Keep Writing . . . .

2011-03-07T17:57:00.004-05:00

Along America's Highway, Lancaster County, Pennsylvania

The hard work of writing is no more gratifying than when you look out on a roomful of people as I did yesterday. Folks wanting to write, whether it be for family or by taking the work public, filled the community room at the local library on a rainy afternoon.

As I spoke about my journey as a writer, I loved watching eyes light up with the realization that "Yes!" this is something I, too, can do.

"How do I learn to write?" - is a question I heard yesterday.

Everything in life is a choice. If you want it bad enough, you will practice, master the skill. Keep writing, keep writing, keep writing.

Techniques describing and detailing the craft of writing abound on the Internet as do classes at the community college or community night school. If you have the resources, treat yourself to an MFA program. Join a writing circle, critique your work with friends, hire an editor, traipse off to a writing retreat . . . but in the end, it comes down to the mantra . . . keep writing, keep writing, keep writing. It doesn't matter where you do it, or how you do it, just do it.

After all, is there any other choice if at heart you are a writer?

Almost Paradise is a place tucked away in the heart of Amish country in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. It is part of, yet separate, from the world. I go there to get away. I go there to be alone. It is like writing. I always return to this little slice of paradise.

Join us at 9 a.m. this Saturday, March 12 for our monthly read-around of the Women's Writing Circle at Wellington Square Bookshop in the Eagleview Town Center, Exton, PA. This is a free event. More information about the read-around is offered on this website. Hope to see you there.

Susan

The Ever-Not-So-Humble Gods

2011-03-01T17:03:00.002-05:00

The women at my first writing retreat.

In the 19th century homebound women came together in reading and sewing circles. These informal gatherings provided an intellectual forum to discuss social issues of the day. Now women are coming together in ever-increasing numbers in writing circles like the Women's Writing Circle. They are learning that finding voice is synonymous with being empowered, which in turn opens the door to a cogent exploration and explanation of past and present and paves the way for a healthy and meaningful future.

The history of women's circles has revolved around one constant - an inherent desire by women to connect and find intimacy and the intellectual satisfaction often lacking in their personal lives. It is by cultivating the mind and the heart that the possibility of fulfillment presents itself. As we come together and write our scripts, we move beyond the narrow confines and roles others would assign us.

Lately, there has been a renewed effort to denigrate memoir and women's writing. Yes, the gods are paying us back for having the audacity - the temerity - to write our stories! The "gods" being the ever-not-so-humble male editors at the New York Times, one of whom recently created a bit of a firestorm by labeling memoirs "me" stories with little or no saving grace. Of course, this editor assumed what he wrote was worth reading and publishing. But I digress . . .

Since the personal writing movement is largely powered by women, this criticism of memoir as trite "confessionals" feels both familiar and inevitable. Indeed, this is the same old story but with a 21st century spin. Please shut up, they write in the first paragraph of their tirade. The ease of publishing has made it possible to circumvent the powers-that-be and so the dander is up and the gloves are off.

But have no fear. Writing as a way to heal, to better understand ourselves, and offer a legacy to future generations is unstoppable. Good thing, too, since there are so many stories that need to be told. It would be a crying shame to shame us out of writing stories with the power of voice and conviction; ergo, stories rippling with self-awareness, healthy narcissism and a potent message that resonates with others.

It would be wrong to discourage a woman from delving deeply into the process that makes one a writer, whether she starts as a young girl, a woman in middle age or an older woman. Our already fragile sense of confidence about our writing and our voices can be shattered by critics . . . if we let them. Don't.

Magical Day - A Writing Prompt

2011-02-21T20:47:00.002-05:00

Do you remember a day you felt the magic? Where everything was perfect or as close to perfect as it gets?

"It was one of those days where everything turned out right. I felt the sun seep into my skin. I breathed in the dry Arizona air. I turned the corner and saw her. She dipped her toe in a "pool" of aquamarine and blue crystal stones . . . they sparkled against her delicately sculpted foot like light on water. Her vulnerability and beauty moved me, as much as a work of art, as her serenity, her acceptance . . . her other-worldliness. A bird flew by and landed on a mesquite tree in the sculpture garden. A voice whispered, "This is where you belong. This is what makes Susan happy."
I wonder . . . where is she now? Does she grace a courtyard in Arizona? Stand inside a mansion in California? I wonder . . ."

I recently attended an all-day women's conference. The topic was how creativity immediately ignites the self-esteem of impoverished and downtrodden girls and women. Whether it was through painting or writing or sculpting a mask - magic happened. Their depression and oppression lifted. "There was a spontaneity, a sense of giddiness in the air," one woman recalled after a painting class.

You don't have to be living in poverty to experience this. You also don't have to live poverty to know how it feels when others demean you. When they refuse to acknowledge your creativity, your voice, because it threatens them. Women, especially, are often pushed down and judged.

As winter loosens its grip and ice slowly melts, warmer days beckon. With that comes another chapter, and, hopefully, a magical day. A magical day is the writing prompt for the March 12 read-around of the Women's Writing Circle.

As you start writing, things you might want to consider:

Focus on one particular memory.
Expand from there with details. (Think of circles emanating from a stone tossed into water.)
Draw on an image of the day.
Let the memory lead and embrace you.
Believe in your voice. What is a voice? It is speaking from personal experience. It is you sharing the truth of who you are.

The Author's Journey

2011-02-16T10:24:00.002-05:00

Today marks seven months since I signed off on the final version of Again in a Heartbeat and sent the file to my publisher. I remember the trepidation and exhilaration I felt.

Since then I have had book signings, facilitated workshops, been offered a chance to talk to college students about memoir and, most importantly, met fabulous people.

The Women's Writing Circle has been fulfilling beyond words.

None of this would have happened if I hadn't published my book. So if the next seven months are anything like the first seven, I can say you will feel rewarded for all your hard work.

Because I went the POD or print-on-demand route, I have a beautiful product AND I didn't break the bank doing it. Many people are under the impression it costs thousands of dollars to self-publish, but nothing could be farther from the truth. If you take the time to produce good writing, find an editor and illustrator, you can publish for under $700. This is not as much as you would spend on your child's textbooks for one year in college. Don't you think you owe yourself that much?

The first draft of the cover

I could order only enough books to SELL. That way, I did not have a closet or garage full of books. Through what my publisher calls the "Expanded Distribution Channel," my book is available on Amazon and other online outlets, as well as college and library ordering services . . . all at no additional cost to me.

While marketing is an ongoing process, not to worry. So much is free, from Facebook and Twitter, that everyone can market at little or no cost. There are many free how-to guides and blogs on marketing. Networking through a writing group like the Women's Writing Circle is another way to get the word out.

The downside - only if you let it get you down - is that it takes time to build the momentum for your book.

I view this journey as ongoing. Some people tell you that a book's shelf life is no more than a year, tops. With POD you are not tied to that timeframe. Simply said - marketing your book is something you can do for as long - or as little - as you like. Your book is always available for production and purchase, you own the copyright and can go to another publisher, if dissatisfied. And you can say, "I did it!"

Question: Can Our Writing Be Too Dark?

2011-02-12T14:40:00.000-05:00

The Women's Writing Circle met this morning and as always the writing was a revelation. Two writers tackled our prompt "Mother's Emotional Agenda." The honesty and self-knowledge displayed in the writing were impressive.

For my part, I was unable to complete my own "assignment." Working on an essay about my mother ended up being harder than I anticipated. I had written about her, but little about me and my feelings. In doing so, I had violated a cardinal rule -- Don't just stand back and observe. Put yourself in the writing! So for me, it's back to the drawing boards on the essay about my mother.

Interestingly, after one of the readings about a mother's emotional agenda, the question emerged: Can our writing be too dark?

Can it be too harsh, too negative, not "positive enough" when it comes to someone or some situation? And if it is, do we run the risk of alienating or making the reader feel "uncomfortable?"

Are we uncomfortable in making others uncomfortable?

I think we grapple with this since most of us wonder what happens the day we show our work to family or a larger audience. It is always good to get the feedback of other writers on these things. Can our writing be too "dark"? Your thoughts, comments?

All the best,
Susan

The Trust Factor

2011-02-10T20:44:00.006-05:00

I know you are wondering what will happen when you write your memoir. Who can you trust? What will be said about you? Are you being "too raw, too outspoken," in your memoir?

Women have always been concerned about this - and for good reason. As Joanna Russ writes in her book, How to Suppress Women's Writing, women's memoir has always been denigrated as "confessionals" by "literati" of the male establishment. Why? Cultural messages try to obliterate and undermine the female experience.

Women have been subverted by other women in their quest to tell the truth of their lives. Our "inferiority" is something they subscribe to. "Critics would have us believe that confessional literature is so personal in its content ... it has no value as literature," Russ writes.

Women telling the "raw truth" are subjected to the stereotype of the female artist as "personally unlovable..." It is "precocious" and "unbecoming" to write. Why? We might do it as well - or better - than a man.

Anais Nin was told by her psychoanalyst, Otto Rank, "When the neurotic woman gets cured, she becomes a woman. When the neurotic man becomes cured, he becomes an artist."

Anyone who has seen the movie, "Black Swan" knows this. Here we find the quintessential woman's story - the quest for perfection in an attempt to please a man and to find meaning as a woman. But to what gain? Worse, who to trust? Other women? No, they are often our competitors. Men? No, they want us and then discard when they are done, moving on to the younger, more impressionable ingenue.

We should believe in our artistry and value our stories. We should stop worrying how we will be perceived and who we need to please and just get on with it. We should trust in and believe in ourselves.

Writing About Loss

2011-02-06T19:52:00.001-05:00

If the focus of your memoir is loss, you may want to explore how society treats death and dying. As a friend recently said, "This country cannot deal with death."

Others are often uncomfortable with your pain. They try to convince you there is no point to "living in the past." Be happy, they say. Life is short!

This is why we write our stories - to give ourselves the gift of expressing our feelings, knowing it is the way to heal.

You might want to begin writing about loss by trying this:

What is my first memory of him/her?
I loved him/her because (finish in three sentences).
I am most afraid of (finish in three sentences).
If I could describe three insights about myself, they are . . .

When my husband John died, I lost my youth, my dreams of happily-ever-afters -- although I didn't realize at the time what I was mourning. For the next several years, I frantically tried to replace him. I avoided looking at the depth of my loss. Sounds simple, doesn't it? It took the writing to understand all of that.

It Takes Time

DO NOT let people con you into thinking that "moving on" or "closure" is something you should or can do overnight. Look at the warts as well as the beautiful spots in the relationship. Once you start writing, you are re-energized. You remember the kiss, the romance, the one red rose on the first wedding anniversary. You remember the love. Your story is your legacy. Treasure your memories.

When You Write a Memoir, Be Prepared to Answer Personal Questions

2011-02-02T11:10:00.002-05:00

Last night I had the pleasure of speaking to a class of undergraduates about my career as journalist and my new "career" as memoirist. These young writers were interested - maybe more - in the memoir than the newsroom. Word of caution: When you write and publish your memoir, be prepared to answer some very personal questions.

A sampling of questions the students asked:

Why did you feel you were not a good wife to your husband at the end? How do your sons feel about what you wrote? Why did you write something so personal? Were you embarrassed as the book was about to be published about going public with something so personal? What did you learn that surprised you? Have you remarried?

I should say that these are the same questions I have been asked in radio interviews, as well as by older adults who have read Again in a Heartbeat.

I believe a well-written story from the heart can offer a theme that resonates with others. Writing is an act of witness. It is saying, "I live. I matter."

It is this sharing of our journey and our stories that is uniquely human. One of the reasons I started the Women's Writing Circle was that I had benefited from a group of writers. I wanted to offer that same support and setting. There is a need for community. Others are longing to write their story. It is finding the courage and the support to do it.

When you write your story, believe in it. Try never to apologize for being "outspoken." Stay true to yourself.

Was I embarrassed? No. As a journalist, I was used to having an audience. This, obviously, is not true for everyone. Before publication, I had vetted the book with an editor, a family therapist and a professional writer. I was attuned to the sensitivity of the subject matter and those who would be reading it, not just my family, but families who have struggled with cancer, grief, widowhood and divorce. As I told the students, never try to write a book alone. It is impossible. Writing is a solitary endeavor, but finishing the book is a collaborative process.

The surprising part? Thanks to the actual process of writing the book and then hearing the comments from my readers after it was published, I learned more about myself. I was able to come to terms with not being a better wife. I had forgiven myself.

Mother's Emotional Agenda - A Writing Prompt

2011-01-28T15:13:00.002-05:00

My mother, Gertrude, holding her new baby daughter, Susan Gertrude.

What was your mother's "emotional agenda"? This is the prompt for our next read-around. Hopefully, this exercise produces a valuable piece of writing for a memoir, novel or short story project.

Psychologists have long noted that the struggling family is usually dominated by its least conscious parent. The reasons women are often less "conscious" or self-actualized than men have been the subject of numerous novels, memoirs and feminist treatises.

I have spent time thinking about my mother and how she imposed her will on our family. Whatever happened to the glamorous brunette whose life by the time she was 40 was reduced to bargain hunting at supermarkets and flirting with pharmacists who filled her antidepressant prescriptions? What became of Gertrude who once must have had dreams and aspirations of her own?

As Carl Jung once claimed, "The greatest burden the child must bear is the unlived life of the parents."

An emotional agenda could be the need to be taken care of, a demand to be the center of attention, passivity as a way of making a husband or child feel guilty for life's shortcomings, vicarious living through you, fear of risk-taking.

As always, if this prompt does not interest you or pertain to your experience, please bring whatever you want to the Circle. We are a supportive and caring group. All kinds of work are welcome and appreciated. See you on February 12 at Wellington Square.

All the best,

Susan

Help! I Wish I Had Journaled More!

2011-01-23T15:42:00.001-05:00

"Help! Why didn't I journal more? There are all these gaps! I can't remember everything that happened! How can I write a memoir?"

I hear this from women time and time again.

This is the voice of panic. This is the old schoolteacher from second grade rapping your knuckles for not paying better attention.

Relax. You are not a reporter required to take notes.

You are a seeker of meaning. You are about to embark on a journey.

While journals are excellent tools for reflection, they are not memoir. Rather, memoir captures a meaningful time in your life. And that may have nothing to do with the blow-by-blow account of May 5, 1997 you jotted down in a journal, long ago stuffed away in a carton at the back of the closet.

My guess is that you know what it is you want - NEED - to write. You have known it for a long time.

Points to consider when writing or beginning to write memoir:

Select the event or series of events that seem most important to you.
Try to recall names, dates and places where events occurred as best you can, but don't obsess on accuracy.
Let go of your "inner critic." Tell it the way you feel. Tell it from the heart.
Take a little license with "the truth." Get creative! Make the scene come alive to bring home the point.
If you don't know what the point is or why you are going there, stop, toss, discard.
Don't be afraid. This is your story, not your mother's, your husband's or your children's. If they don't like it, let them write their own memoir.
Join a writing group. Get feedback on your work. If someone is too harsh or critical, don't use them again. If someone sugarcoats you, thank them but look for someone both kind and discerning.
Keep writing, keep writing, keep writing . . . .and it doesn't have to mean journaling!

Again in a Heartbeat is Editor's Pick at Story Circle Network

2011-01-20T16:09:00.000-05:00

My memoir, Again in a Heartbeat, a memoir of love, loss and dating again has been selected as pick of the month by Story Circle Network. I am thrilled that it has been so favorably reviewed.
See the review here:
http://www.storycirclebookreviews.org/

My book is for sale through the How to Order under Favorite Places on this site.

Thank you SCN!
Susan

Allowing Ourselves a Voice

2011-01-15T15:29:00.002-05:00

One of the most amazing aspects of coming together in the Circle are the voices of women sharing their words and empowering each other through writing.

As women, we are often "silenced" by society. A pattern emerges. A woman silences herself because she knows there is reprisal when she speaks plainly and openly. Then comes the shaming message - It is self-centered to talk about your pain, anger, grief. Others have it worse so how dare you complain?

Although it is 2011, society continues to try and silence the feminine voice. Many of the most outspoken women making headlines in the news - whether or not we agree with what they say - are roundly and contemptuously labeled by both sexes as shrews, haridans, witches.

Baby Boomers - my generation - are accused of being the most self-centered and narcissistic of generations. Yet there was a certain logic to our mantra, "let it all hang out." Letting it all hang out was a way to escape our self-imposed prisons and embrace change.

Today's read-around was small and cozy. Harsh winter weather kept some away. Pat, Diane, Trish, Ellen and I settled in, lit the candle and started the read-around.

Susan on her deck in Chester Springs

From the work sprang conversation. We talked about whether or not to publish and how to pace our voice and speech patterns for public readings of our work.

We talked about writing as a way of healing. We observe, we learn, we incorporate and process all of this in our own time Then comes joy in accepting - finally! - our story is important. We have the right to tell it.

For in the end, all of us are chasing our demons, delving into the great mysteries of life, searching for the light and the fresh air. We long for a community of souls to share our journey . . . we long to be heard.

My Thoughts Turn to Tucson

2011-01-12T09:05:00.000-05:00

As some of you may or may not know, I lived in Tucson, Arizona in 2008-2009 working for AmeriCorps VISTA (Volunteers in Service to America). Tucson was modern-day Shangri-La for me, that's how drawn I was to its beauty and magic.

I knew that I had to write about Tucson after the horror of what happened there. So, I called the local newspaper. Would they be interested?

I began exploring in this piece my love for this city and all I had seen and observed, its people, its culture, the essence of its aura, if you will. As I wrote, I was transported back to the warm, desert air, the rainbows over the Catalina Mountains, the sunsets of indescribable beauty,

Writing about my "dream city" helped me come to terms with leaving it behind. Like all dreams, they die hard. When we write about what we know or have experienced - and we write from the heart - we can't go wrong. This is the power of writing as a way of healing.

I also believe that writing from the heart imparts to others the experience of the human journey. The piece then belongs to the reader. Here is the article, "A Shocking Scene in a City of Dreams" that I wrote for the Daily Local News in West Chester, Pennsylvania, published on January 11. I hope you enjoy. Susan

http://www.dailylocal.com/articles/2011/01/11/opinion/srv0000010580392.txt

Winter Read-Around

2011-01-09T09:08:00.005-05:00

Our second Saturday of the month read-around is scheduled for Saturday, March 12 at Wellington Square Bookshop at the usual time - 9 a..m.

As I mentioned in my radio interview on the Avid Reader (link provided on this website), all writing is autobiographical in some way. Whether your intent is to write memoir, fiction or creative non-fiction, the very exercise of writing your story and then gaining feedback is invaluable when you prepare to publish or as a way to heal.

A link with directions to Wellington is listed under "Favorite Places" on this site. We are going to have fun, share and meet new people, make connections and network. Hope you will join us.

Susan

My Father and Me - A Writing Prompt for Our Read-Around

2010-12-29T13:22:00.001-05:00

Arguably, it is only when we come to terms with our fathers that, as women, we achieve self-realization.

Many of you in the Circle like a monthly writing prompt so here it is: Write a story where you and your father take center stage. This could be a snapshot from childhood, or one where you and your father danced together at your wedding - yes, that's me and Dad pictured here - or where you and your dad had a heart-to-heart after he had aged and was frail. You decide.

Try to give us - the reader/listener - a rich portrayal; one that shows, instead of tells, the relationship and dynamic between you and your father; the way he looked at you, his mannerisms and his dialogue and how this affected you then and, perhaps, years later in how you viewed yourself as a woman and viewed men.

This is a tough one. As poet and author Maxine Kumin wrote: "The hardest poem I ever wrote was about my father . . . I was terrified of writing it."

As always, if you prefer to bring something else to the Circle, please do that. This is merely a suggestion, a prompt.

See you at 9 a.m., Saturday, Jan. 8 at Wellington Square Bookshop in Exton. As a side note, I will discuss how memoir can transform and heal at a talk and booksigning later that day at the Henrietta Hankin Branch Library in West Vincent Township, Chester County, beginning at 2 p.m. I would love to have you join me for that or mention it to a friend. Thank you.

All the best to my Sisters in the Writing Circle,
Susan

T'is the Season - Writing As a Way to Ease Anxiety

2010-12-20T10:39:00.002-05:00

The holidays elicit the "ghosts of Christmas past," those who are no longer with us, but whose presence lingers in all that we are . . . or are not.

I miss my father, but I don't miss his high expectations for me. Yet, I still berate myself for not "achieving" enough. I miss my mother, but not her childlike demands to be taken care of. Yet, I see in myself how I sometimes place this burden on my sons. I miss my husband, but I don't miss cancer invading our home. I know that my determination to avoid trauma and upset is both unrealistic and immature so why don't I accept this?

Holidays come as the year draws to a close. With endings come new beginnings. Reflection on where we have been and where we are going can be anxiety-producing. Writing is a way to mull anxiety and memory and come to terms with them. Writing about certain people (not just dead, but living) is hard work and painful. Sometimes, I don't want to go there. So I don't. Until I am ready to stop marinating.

Yesterday I spoke to a friend who said that after years of psychiatry, she learned that the best psychiatrists let you draw your own conclusions. They are not saying, "Don't you see how you keep getting drawn to these same situations and (abusive) people!" Instead, a good doctor plants a seed until you say, "Hey, wait a minute. I keep being ensnared because . . . " In that moment comes healthy living and caretaking of the soul.

Write why you keep finding yourself in "these situations" and nurture a setting and routine.

Start by listing ideas.
Write freestyle - "dump on the page;" don't worry about spelling and grammar.
Create a space for yourself. Close the door, light a scented candle.
Give yourself the gift of privacy. Shut out whatever or whoever wants your attention for an hour.
Learn to be alone with your thoughts.

As Louise DeSalvo notes in Writing As a Way of Healing: "A healing narrative links feelings to events. It describes how we felt then and how we feel now. It compares and contrasts past feelings and current feelings about events. It charts the similarities or differences in our feelings over time."

This holiday season give yourself permission to embrace your "ghosts" as instructive, rather than destructive. Open your mind to endings and new beginnings. Let your words lead you back to you.

Finding the Gift in Ourselves

2010-12-11T18:33:00.000-05:00

No one determines what stories can be told, but ourselves. Inherent in writing is the dream of taking control of one's life. The woman who is able to write her life beyond conventional expectation has recognized a gift in herself.

The stories and the emotions in today's read-around brought laughter and tears - and the exhilarating feeling that comes with risk taking and telling a true and entertaining story. For aren't we all trying to connect? Isn't that the joy of storytelling? Entertainment, captivating our readers, our audience. And at the same time showing our souls. The audience is you, me, us.

Whether it was about the broken friendship between two women, the longing to hear a mother say "I love you," the bittersweet joy of holding a first grandchild, or the anger at a husband's betrayal, the writing took flight in this month's read-around, carrying with it a life of its own.

As Diane said, "There are little pieces of my heart I am afraid to open . . . but when we do, we feel better because we take away the power they hold."

Writing can also counterbalance the uncreative, mundane demands of life, help us get in touch with who we are and mine new perspective. It is the divine connection with family, friends and others. It is our legacy.

We talked about anger, often taboo in women's literature. Women should not (cannot) be isolated from what men have always taken for granted . . . expressing aggression and anger in the narrative of their lives. Women are not encouraged to be anything other than sexually attractive, appealing to men, passive and nurturing of their children . . . an accoutrement, an accessory.

The healing aspects of memoir are holistic and all-encompassing in a community of female writers sharing their lives, unscripted and in living color. It is a tonic, a gift of good health.

We welcomed two new writers to the Circle, Becky and Susan. We missed Jan and Flo, who were unable to attend, but were with us in spirit. We heard the exciting news that Pat has finished her memoir and found a publisher.

The Circle is a safety net. No one is judged or turned away. There are no expectations, only acceptance. The gift of the read-around is in ourselves. It's a celebration.

Happy Holidays to my Sisters in the Writing Circle.

Susan

Listen to Lennon

2010-12-08T14:54:00.001-05:00

"Mother you had me, but I never had you."

As always, I am struck with the memoir of the man in his music.

Everyone is asking today, "Where were you 30 years ago?" I was in bed just waking up when my husband John came into the bedroom. "It's all over the radio. John Lennon has been killed," he said.

Not the Beatles fan I was, although an admirer of his music, John had no idea what import those words carried for me that day. I think if he had, he might have been more subtle in telling me this news. Had there ever been a life without the Beatles? Now that life had ended.

"You know I love you baby please don't go . .."

Fourteen years later I would face another death ... not John Lennon's, but John Cavalieri, my husband, the man who understood me almost better than I understood myself. "Nobody knows but me. Who am I? No one else can see. Just you and me."

We confront our immortality through the loss of a loved one, whether a musician we never met but idolized, or the man who was husband and soul mate. In them, we find ourselves and the truth of our stories. In them we see "the wind in the trees, the clouds in the sky."

"I was dreaming of the past and my heart was beating fast."

So instead of grieving today, I listen to Lennon. I almost feel young again - or maybe it is hopeful. I hear his life, his truth and his courageous efforts to face reality. Thanks, John. It was a good ride . . . and still is.

December Read-Around

2010-12-02T09:31:00.001-05:00

The Women's Writing Circle meets at 9 a.m. on Saturday Dec. 11 at Wellington Square Bookshop in Exton.

Come and join a supportive circle of writers. Whether you are published or unpublished, it doesn't matter. All you need is a willingness to share your work. Writing is a way to put things in perspective, especially at our read-arounds.

The writer tells the group what she wants from the group before she reads, whether it is read-back lines or general comment on the piece. The writer can take the 10-minute allotted time to read, comment on where she sees the piece going from here or how she felt when writing it. Poetry, fiction, creative non-fiction, essay, memoir are welcome.

The read-around is a gift we give each other. It is a chance to get feedback in a supportive, nonjudgmental setting and serves as validation within the group to commit to writing, often as a way to heal and express emotion. We also talk about writing techniques and honing our skills as writers.

Hope to see you there. Happy Holidays to my Sisters in the Writing Circle.

Susan

Expressing Anger - A Woman's Writing Life

2010-12-01T13:21:00.000-05:00

Why is it that women are ingrained not to express or show anger? Is it because society has labeled this as "strident" or unbecoming? Is it because we are told that men revile "angry" women? Or is it because the admission of anger - especially in our writing - is one of the scariest things we can do as women?

My feeling is all of the above. Writing is a scary and lonely endeavor. When we come to terms with our anger through the written word, it makes us vulnerable. We might be viewed as "acting like a man" - heaven forbid! How dare we write about our desire to be ambitious and have power or have an identity outside of another person?

I spent a lot of time weighing how much anger I wanted to express in my memoir. In the end, I decided my anger about many things in life could fill a book in itself! And it may well because I need to write it. And I'm not talking about cancer or losing the man I loved to an untimely death.

There still exists in women's memoir this pervasive notion that women should be "silent." We write about our grandmother's recipes, our childhood memories, (usually laden with nostalgia and whimsy), our trips to California . . . our nurturing and passive lives. This "storylessness" is endemic to women. Rarely, do we look the "tiger" in the eye. I am not talking about blaming anger, but, rather, anger at not being allowed to tell the truth of our lives as women.

In Writing a Woman's Life by Carolyn G. Heilbrun, the author notes: "The expression of anger has always been a terrible hurdle in women's personal progress. Above all, the public and private lives cannot be linked, as in male narratives."

Our memoirs should not be sentimental and passive, but gritty, ambitious and spoken with a voice of authority about the messages, institutions and impossible expectations we suffer as women. We need to throw aside our guilt and commit to the story without suffering the "slavery of being a girl," as George Eliot put it.

Writing is the scariest undertaking, but it is also the most courageous. Now we need to throw away the old stereotypes, let it rip and tell it like it is.

A Writing Prompt - Dialogue

2010-11-27T00:51:00.000-05:00

Some of you have asked for a writing prompt for our next Circle read-around on Dec. 11. So here's an idea.

Craft a story consisting mainly of dialogue. For example: A conversation between your mother and father or between yourself and a sister or brother. Or make up a situation. They could be lovers or strangers meeting by happenstance on vacation or a friend moaning over the break-up with a sweetheart.

Give the scene momentum by asking yourself: What am I trying to convey? What is the significance behind this conversation? Why should the reader care about these people?

Realistic dialogue is a powerful tool in making a story come alive. For example, irony or sarcasm are ways to convey a character's personality. Punctuate the scene with description. Did your mother speak in a raspy, breathless whisper? Most of all, find a subject you care about. This will shine through your writing and make for a compelling style.

As always, if you prefer to bring something else to the Circle, please do that.

Also, I will be bringing copies of Again in a Heartbeat to our read-around. I hope you will consider buying a copy for a friend or family member as a Christmas or holiday gift. I will sign the book. It sells for $10. Thanks so much.

See you at 9 a.m. Dec. 11 at Wellington Square Bookshop.

All the best,

Susan

Thoughts on Writing While Traveling

2010-11-26T15:36:00.001-05:00

Hello,

I am back from Australia and New Zealand. Did I write on this trip? No. But I was thinking about writing the entire time.
What can I say? Sometimes, it is good to step back, take time for reflection and think about where you are going from here. Thus, the reason (excuse) for not journaling. I did finish reading James Hollis' book, Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up. For those who can handle Jungian psychology, it is definitely worth a read. Perhaps, the most striking aspect of this book is that we can never escape our childhood . . . now it becomes - how do we deal with it and move on?

As for Down Under, it is an exotic land and one that has a rather checkered history, having its roots in the British penal colony system, as does New Zealand. We pay thousands of dollars to tour countries that the British once viewed as fitting places to dump its criminals, many of whom were young children guilty of no more than stealing a hairbrush. They were sent to Sydney after a six-month ocean crossing and subjected to harsh and unsanitary conditions in a place known as the Rocks, which these pictures depict. I have also posted pictures of the South Pacific in New Zealand.

Back to writing. The Women's Circle meets at 9 a.m. on Saturday Dec. 11 at Wellington Square Bookshop in Exton. I am also pleased to announce that I am starting a read-around for men and women at Wolfgang Books, 237 Bridge Street, Phoenixville. Our first read-around at Wolfgang is 1 to 3 p.m. on Saturday, Jan. 22 (Please note the change; originally I had Jan. 29. I want to meet here on the fourth Saturday of every month). More to come on that later. Our read-arounds will also continue the second Saturday of the month at Wellington Square Bookshop.

All the best,
Susan

Writing About Family

2010-11-07T09:15:00.002-05:00

At yesterday's Circle much of the reading centered around descriptions and memory of family. For the writer, family serves as models for characters, whether we are writing fiction or memoir.

That said, the emotional and the healing aspects of storytelling come through reflection - not only about ourselves - but of key people in our lives. The people are grist for our "mill" . . . our touchstone to making meaning and turning cardboard, one-dimensional characters into real people, while at the same time discovering our own humanity.

How do we remember or "see" them and how "true" is this? And how do we find that "truth" of our parents, our spouses, our children, as it relates to us - and, hopefully, to the reader? These are questions every writer faces when crafting his or her story.

While many are interested in just getting the recollections of a mother or father down on paper and seeing where that leads - others are hoping to find the seminal moment - the compelling reason why they are writing in the first place - and how to tackle that and make sense of what it all means. Discovering that "moment" is when writing transforms into alchemy.

As was noted in yesterday's Circle, I use a lot of dialogue to bring a scene alive having spent years as a reporter and being attuned to what people say. Although actions speak louder than words, I do believe that dialogue is as key as showing movements or describing physical attributes. What is at the heart of the dialogue/conversation and how it renders the scene emotionally compelling remain fodder for another day.

Once again I would encourage all of us to keep writing . . . keep writing . . . keep writing. Whether our family members/characters come to us in our dreams or through the written word, one thing is certain. They continue to live with us. Now it is up to us to see where that - and they - lead us.

Short Chapters and a Fast Read

2010-11-01T15:48:00.000-04:00

It's hard to believe that today is November 1. I have been at this task of author marketing for three months and almost two seasons. As a first-time author what have I learned from my readers? So much.

Probably the most interesting and valuable lesson, though, centers around a comment I consistently hear. Again in a Heartbeat, my readers say, is a "fast read." While the book is only 168 pages, the psychological aspect of short chapters cannot be underestimated.

I remember hearing Dan Brown talk about his preference for short chapters. Brown felt that if a chapter ended on a note of interest or intrigue, it kept readers turning the page. But the point was to keep it short.

When I started the final draft of my book, I kept chapters under five pages. I felt this kept the story moving. Reader feedback has confirmed what I sensed. The "fast read" comment has been the highest compliment. They started my book AND finished it.

Points to consider:

Books with short chapters are ideal for reading in short breaks.
Short, punchy chapters keep readers turning the page.
Short chapters help the writer set up stories within the larger narrative.
Chapters longer than 5 pages can leave the reader wading through a sea of text.
Short chapters help the writer develop a unique style.

In this world of 24/7 news cycles, many people are also gravitating toward shorter books. As one of my readers told me, "I have a mound of books this high that I want to read but haven't gotten to." And - yet - she read my memoir. Maybe it was the smaller book that drew her attention. I can get through this, she thought.

This is not to put down longer books. One of my favorites is Gone With the Wind. Of course, I read that when I was 13 years old, in the days before computers and cable television's 800 channels. Now I am hesitant to pick up a big book. There is so much I want to read . . . only so many hours to commit to one story. Only so much time.

Nov. 6 Read-Around of the Circle

2010-10-28T10:06:00.001-04:00

Our next read-around will be held at Wellington Square Bookshop on Saturday, November 6 at 9 a.m. Please share a piece of writing with the Circle and enjoy coffee and tea at this charming bookstore, located in Exton's Eagleview Town Center. http://www.wellingtonsquarebooks.com/

For those who have not participated in a read-around, we give each writer 10 to 15 minutes to read and ask for read-back lines that resonated with the Circle. (The longer time is allowed depending on the size of the group.) Critique and comment are offered, if so desired by the writer. Writers may bring essays, poetry, memoir, fiction or non-fiction.

The read-around is a lovely exercise of reading aloud what you wrote in an intimate and supportive setting while "test driving" your voice and your work. This is your time to contemplate and reflect in a community of writers.

Hope to see you.

All the best, Susan

Community of Writers

2010-10-18T13:29:00.000-04:00

What better way to share our stories and writing than with a community of like-minded people? So it was this past weekend at our Art and Practice of Memoir workshop at St. Andrew's Episcopal Church in Glenmoore, Pennsylvania.

Our workshop facilitator, Mary Pierce Brosmer, author and founder of Women Writing for (a) Change, began with a quote from Brenda Ueland, journalist and writing teacher: "It has made me enjoy writing the more to understand that writing is not a performance, it's a generosity."

Ueland also wrote: "Everyone is talented, original, and has something important to say."

I felt gratitude for the voices and stories of so many gifted and giving people. The chatter of the outside world receded as all 18 of us took our seats in the circle and began without apology . . . instead, trust and acceptance along with an intention to write our own stories without being imprisoned by someone else's version.

Some call it the "divine." As one workshop participant put it, "When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, the truth emerges."

Many, many thanks to Mary Pierce Brosmer, pictured here, for holding the circle with respect, sensitivity and great teaching skill. She gave us a better understanding of memoir, ideas of how to proceed with our projects, and offered up writing time, read-arounds and discussion of ways writing can heal.

As co-facilitator, I spoke about read-arounds offered through the Women's Writing Circle, which is a resource for local writers, and the pros and cons of self-publishing I am experiencing as author of my memoir, Again in a Heartbeat.

Mary concluded the workshop on Saturday afternoon by extinguishing the candle placed in the center of the circle, which she lit Friday evening when the workshop began. I had made new friends, including Mary who I was meeting for the first time. She arrived from Cincinnati in a driving rainstorm with a chest cold, but marshalled the strength and stamina to see it through and give us a truly special experience.

In this community of writers, there was connection and belonging along with renewed energy to write. As one workshop participant said, "I am leaving with a new lease on writing and a wonderful sense of the power of a community."

Put Yourself in the Writing

2010-10-11T09:17:00.002-04:00

I remember when I first starting writing memoir. I was still in full reporter mode, although it had been a year since I'd stepped foot in the newsroom at The Philadelphia Inquirer. I was caught up in facts.

As a reporter, I stood back, observed. I was not paid to be introspective. I prided myself on accuracy. I spent many sleepless nights wondering if I got it right. The people I interviewed - their faces, the sound of their voices - diminished against a backdrop of checking and double checking names, places of work and titles, ages, organizations linked to websites.

While accuracy is important, this emphasis on "reporting" becomes deadening once we step into the arena of storytelling. You suffocate, drown in details. You submerge the big picture. It's like life. You lose the thread.

Thinking back on when I first moved to Tucson, Arizona for a year, I waxed poetic about sunsets, rainbows and full moons hanging over Sabino Canyon. I forgot to write why I was there! Too many lonely nights back in the bedroom in Pennsylvania, my arms hugging an old teddy bear, a hitch in my throat, crying over the loss of my husband. I had to get away, believe there could be a second chance at happiness. The desert gave me that. Once I started writing about my fear of being alone, I knew I had something . . . not just for myself, but the reader.

Creative writing comes down to putting your emotions out there. Writing should be less about the subject and more about its significance.

Is the story about money or what motivates greed?

Is it about loss or how to come to terms with growing old?

Is it about despair or how despair hones resilience?

Is it about the excitement of a new place or about second chances?

Once we move beyond the subject and understand the significance of our stories, we can employ techniques to enhance meaning.

Think about what's behind the feeling.

Don't just describe the feeling, show the physical impact of the emotion.
Create a mood in each scene.
Let your characters talk. Dialogue livens a scene.
Show, don't tell.
Think about the message.
Forget accuracy if it interrupts and slows the pace.
A little fiction and embellishment are entertaining.
Transcend limitations and advance your vision.

In the end have fun. This is your chance to set the record straight. No one can take that from you. Put yourself in the writing. You can't go wrong.

An Interview With Susan About Memoir and the Writing Circle

2010-09-27T09:55:00.003-04:00

Turning loss into healing

By SARAH E. MORAN, Special to the Local News

The act of writing one's memoirs - whether the goal is simply to tell one's own story or perhaps even see it published -- is a supreme act of faith.

It's also painful and scary, according to Susan Weidener, a former newspaper journalist who wrote and self-published "Again in a Heartbeat, a memoir of love, loss, and dating again."

"Again" is, in part, a love story about her husband John Cavalieri, a systems analyst for Unisys who lost a seven-year battle with colorectal cancer. He died in 1994, a month after his 47th birthday.

It took Weidener 13 years before she could even contemplate writing his story and thus her own.

"It's difficult to write one's own memoirs, and it hurts," said the middle-aged Weidener, who lives in Chester Springs. "You have to brace yourself for the pain. Memoir writers lay our souls bare. That is the power - and terror - of memoir."

The tipping point for Weidener came in 2007, when she left journalism to explore a more creative form of writing while continuing to raise Alex and Daniel, her two sons with Cavalieri; they're now 26 and 23. She took her laptop to a beautiful rural spot in Kentucky (the Sisters of Loretto convent, near Louisville) for a writing retreat sponsored by Women Writing for (a) Change, a critique and support group formed to inspire female writers.

Mary Pierce Brosner, an Ohio author, entrepreneur and leadership trainer, founded the group. She is now teaming up with Weidener to hold a two-day workshop, "The Art and Practice of Memoir," Oct. 15 and 16 at St. Andrew's Episcopal Church, West Vincent. (See below for details.)

"We live in such a wired society that taking time off to contemplate and reflect is rare," Weidener reflected during a recent interview. "During this workshop, in a beautiful place, we wrote and shared our writing in read-arounds at night."

Describing her husband's battle with cancer, and her subsequent re-entry into the world of dating as a widow, was cathartic. The act of writing her 168-page memoir "was a necessary part of healing," she said. She often says that memoir is a woman's legacy.

True, memoir writing is big right now, especially among women, Weidener is quick to point out. Its value comes from women learning to tell their stories without apologizing, Weidener believes. "Women are so busy multi-tasking that they often don't have the time to reflect about themselves," she said.

Memoir is different from autobiography "because it takes one time in your life and compelling narrative springs from that," she explained. "It's not blow-by-blow or chronological, the way autobiography is. Rather, memoir comes from one central place or event."

Once finished, her manuscript had to be as close to perfect as possible before she shipped it off to be printed. She enjoyed complete creative control, including asking her friend Susan Bragner to design a cover illustration of forsythia against a deep blue sky.

And yet: Particularly difficult now is marketing and selling herself, Weidener said, a process she called exciting and exhausting. "As a journalist, I was used to being behind the scenes. Promoting myself is so different. It really puts me out there, and makes me the story."

In the world of self-publishing, books are printed on an as-needed basis. Weidener ordered 100 copies, now available at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, through eBooks or from her Web site (www.susanweidener.com). She'll order more as needed.

She is also marketing herself, and her book, through singles' and cancer support groups, among other avenues.

A group Weidener founded, the Women's Writing Circle, usually meets the second Saturday of every month at the Wellington Square Book Shop in Eagleview. It's a rare and used bookshop owned by the Hankin family, Eagleview developers. (The next circle will meet Nov. 6, an exception to the usual second-Saturday schedule.)

"We share what we've written, and come together to read to each other in a supportive and nonjudgmental environment," Weidener explained. She hastens to add that participants "needn't be writers with a capital W. We want you to sit down and think about ways to tell your story, perhaps even better. We also talk about getting published."

Participants are not ripped to shreds, but rather encouraged to keep writing regularly. "A lot of these women want to move ahead with their books but they know it's a long haul, especially if they're unknown. And the literary agent route can be perilous."

The most moving payback for Weidener is the people she's met in this, her encore career. "Selling books is an ancillary benefit," she said. "Meeting all these women is fascinating. When a woman tells her story, she usually finds that it resonates with someone else."

Weidener's and Brosmer's two-day workshop, "The Art and Practice of Memoir," will be held Friday, Oct. 15, from 7 to 9:30 p.m. and Saturday, Oct. 16, from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., at St. Andrew's Episcopal Church, West Vincent. Cost is $150. For more information, contact Weidener at sgweidener@comcast.net.

To contact correspondent Sarah E. Moran, send an e-mail to semoran219@msn.com.

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Read-Around for the Circle

2010-09-23T12:21:00.003-04:00

October is a busy month with our "Art and Practice of Memoir" workshop. This is a chance to share and commit to our writing while learning techniques for how best to write our stories. I would like to extend an invitation to everyone - men and women - to consider registering for the workshop. Information about the workshop is listed on the right. What better time than fall to enjoy the beauty of Chester County and come together as a community of writers?

Because of the workshop, there is no read-around in October. Our next read-around will be held at Wellington Square Bookshop on Saturday, November 6 at 9 a.m. Please share a piece of writing you have been working on and enjoy free coffee and tea at this charming bookstore. Read-arounds are for women only.

I wanted to re-post something I wrote about the joy of the read-around for those who may not be familiar with it.

Aspiring writers - whether you are published or not - know that the greatest joy often comes with sharing your work with other writers. They - like no other - can offer feedback after your solitary journey of hand-to-hand combat with words, paragraphs, dialogue and plot. Does this work, you ask? Will this resonate with the reader? The read-around is a lovely exercise of reading aloud what you wrote in an intimate and supportive setting. We ask for "readback" lines, sentences that captivate or resonate with humor, poetry or sheer gut emotion. The read-around is our touchstone for more creative work to come.

Join us for the read-around of the Women's Writing Circle.
All the best, Susan

Book Signing and Self-Publishing

2010-09-19T15:19:00.014-04:00

Times have changed from when you had to be published by the guardians of the literary establishment in order to see a manuscript turned into a "legitimate" book. There are many options for wonderful writers who do not have the time or temperament to wait years for "canonization" by traditional publishing houses. They want to get started now.

So it was for me yesterday. Thank you to everyone who came to my first book signing at Wellington Square Bookshop. It was a special day as I reconnected with old friends and connected with new.You helped me celebrate this amazing new journey as author. And I know many of you are looking at self-publishing options.

Self-published books allow us to hold a product in hand. As New York Times writer Virginia Heffernan puts it, the self-published author offers "handmade goods, produced in small numbers, instead of the mass-marketed stuff you'd find at a superstore."

My book, Again in a Heartbeat, is something I can have printed-on-demand and offer at signings and other venues. My publisher CreateSpace was fabulous to work with and since I own the copyright to my book, I can move to another publisher, if and when I am ready.

Self-published books also look great as long as you are willing to take the time and have the patience to do it right. These are wondrous times with all the cheap, digital technology at hand. As Heffernan says, "Print-on-demand options, which let individual buyers essentially commission copies of books - has been a godsend to writers without agents or footholds at traditional publishing houses. It has also been a quiet godsend to literary history."

Hurray! Let the change begin.

The Fear Factor

2010-09-11T15:46:00.001-04:00

Today at the monthly read-around of the Circle, we came together as writers laying our souls bare. That is the power - and terror - of memoir.

Memoir is not for the faint of heart. But we wouldn't have it any other way.

"I felt 10 pounds lighter after I wrote it," Deborah Martin-Plugh, said.

"I feel terrible after I finish, but it is eventually feeling that it is out there. Much later, I feel better," Jan Backes said.

As much as memoir is a reckoning for ourselves, so it can be for those we write about. But remember - there is the profound healing aspects of memoir, not just for ourselves, but for others longing to read our story.

So . . . Are we ready to share our stories? Are we ready to provoke the possible anger of family? This is your story. Go for it, but proceed with caution. Memoir is your legacy; you will want a certain cloak of protection when family members years from now turn the pages of your book, as they inevitably will. As my sons joke, "Mom, we'll read your book after you're dead." But read it, they will.

A couple of tips: (And I would love to hear yours in the comment section.)

Research family members before you write their story. If they have left old letters, journals, memoirs, then by all means use those as resources to help capture the essence of who they were/are.
These are your memories, your recollections. Keep in mind that no two people view the same situation or conversation through the same prism. Stay true to yourself.
Change the names and identifying characteristics of people who pose a liability and are not family. It does make not sense to change the names of family members. Memoir is non-fiction.
Impulsive decisions to write about something today, might not sit well years from now. If you are unsure, let it sit for awhile and percolate.

As Gregory Martin, memoirist, wrote in this month's Writer magazine, "You need to think hard about the real-life implications of your work long before it reaches any editor. If you have, and afterward, if you can't quite breathe deeply, if you have become aware of a low-level underlying anxiety to all your waking hours, a kind of agony, at the thought of what might happen if your story does get published, then maybe you're ready for submission."

Here are some photographs of the writers at today's read-around at Wellington Square. Top right, Annalie Hudson, contemporary artist: www.annaliehudson.com
Patricia Zettlemoyer of Morgantown (middle) and bottom right, Flo Shore and Jan Backes of Plymouth Meeting.

Keep writing, as I know you will! All the best to my Sisters in the Writing Circle.
Susan

Open Mic Night on the Main Line

2010-09-08T14:38:00.001-04:00

Last night I attended Open Mic for 1st Person Narrative. It was held at an artsy and intimate Bryn Mawr coffeehouse with lumpy, velvet sofas and a view of Lancaster Avenue along Philadelphia's famous (or infamous) Main Line.

Remember "The Philadelphia Story" starring Katharine Hepburn and Cary Grant? The Main Line is the setting for that classic film, although the movie was shot in a studio in Culver City, California, 3,000 miles from Bryn Mawr's mansions and towering oak trees.

The Main Line is synonymous with socialites and snobbery. It is where I grew up. Not that we had money. Dad was a teacher. We didn't belong to a country club. Pappagallo shoes and Villager sweaters were hardly in the budget. I attended junior high and high school on the Main Line. My "clique" was a small group of girls who hung out at Ho Jo's and smoked cigarettes and drank black coffee.

I was married in a Gothic-facade Presbyterian Church with massive red oak doors on the Main Line. I was born at Bryn Mawr Hospital, my sons were born there. My husband died of cancer there. . . moonlit clouds scuttling across a warm September sky framed that towering edifice last night.

Even though I don't live there anymore, the Main Line is still home. It is heaven and hell.

Back to Open Mic. I enjoy the energy of performance. I admit it. I have come to like the attention. In the past few months I've learned how important audiences are to developing a voice and a presence on stage. The written word takes life in real-time setting when the author grabs the microphone, looks out at her audience and starts. At first, the words come too quickly . . . slow down, pace yourself, an inner voice says. Let them feel the story the way you do.

My first reading was in a bookshop last January. How stilted it was compared to what I felt last night when I looked past the stage lights and into darkness. I saw the blur of faces - a small audience listened to sentences written long ago in the privacy of my room. I smiled.

We need to engage our audience. This is not an easy task for writers. We are solitary by nature. We don't normally seek attention. Even our writing sometimes beats around the bush. We describe everyone else in utter detail, but leave ourselves out. We tend to be a shy and insecure bunch.

It is important to practice reading at home before taking the stage. Much of the value of Open Mic rests in how well-crafted the performances are. Some people have yet to develop the poise and theatrical aplomb to pull off reading their work. They make eye contact only with the written page. But that's okay. Practice makes perfect.

Many thanks go to writer Tracy Kauffman Wood of Ardmore, pictured here. Tracy organizes Open Mic at Milkboy coffeehouse in Bryn Mawr. Her whimsical piece about clothes shopping in junior high was a pleasure to hear. It took me back to a time when I, too, walked to the Marianne store. It was located - where else? The Main Line.

Power of the Pensieve

2010-09-01T14:46:00.000-04:00

Remember when Harry Potter peers into the Pensieve - a shallow stone bowl used to gather memory - and is thrust into scenes from the past? This is the task of the writer. To look deep into the swirling, silvery mists, take the plunge to the bottom and once there observe the characters, conversations and images of the past. Only then can we process memories and relieve ourselves of their excess burden.

A friend recently told me that some people come to critique groups simply looking for affirmation. When they don't get as much as they would like, they lose hope, returning to the safety of their rooms where the only audience is themselves or those telling them what they want to hear. Please don't let this happen to you. Realize there will be stumbling blocks along the way as you craft your words into story. Nothing worth having comes without practice. That means establishing a writing routine and setting aside time for thought and contemplation.

In this day and age of animosity, discord and political upheaval, what greater gift can we give each other than sharing being human through storytelling?

As the end of summer draws near, I reflect how very special this summer has been for me. My memoir was published on July 28. The comments I am receiving from you - my readers - have been simply incredible. "I laughed and I cried . . . how bittersweet your story is," one woman told me.

A man at the local grocery story who has known me and my sons for years said he couldn't put the book down. "I stayed up until 1:30 a.m. finishing it," he said.

Best of all, my story prompted you to tell me yours. Every day I find a new connection. Together, we have peered into the Pensieve and shared in its power. No writer could ask for more.

Letting the Genie Out of the Bottle

2010-08-25T09:08:00.003-04:00

What if we did not view writing our stories as a luxury, something we were only allowed to do when we didn't have the house to clean, the children to tend, the job demands to fulfill?

In her book Writing As A Way Of Healing: How Telling Our Stories Transforms Our Lives, Louise DeSalvo writes: "What if writing were a simple, significant, yet necessary way to achieve spiritual, emotional, and psychic wholeness?"

Writing about past traumatic events in our lives is like uncorking the bottle - out pops the Genie with all its mystical and magical power.

As DeSalvo notes, many of the great writers - Virginia Woolf and Henry Miller, to name but two - were depressed and stymied in the writing process until they began writing about past traumatic events. In Woolf's case, it was being sexually assaulted by her half-brother; in Miller's about the loss of his wife who left him for another woman. Once they had reflected on the pent-up emotion of their trauma, they were able to move on to a richer, more textured life.

This month's "assignment" in the Circle is an invitation to explore a past traumatic event. Try writing about the event and the emotion at the same time. Engage with your writing in a way that allows you to achieve energy, depth, power and soulfulness - in other words, to claim your voice.

As always, if this is not what you care to do or if you are working on a piece of fiction, short story, or poem, please bring that to the Circle.

The Women’s Writing Circle meets at 9 a.m. on Saturday, September 11 in the Wellington Square Bookshop in Exton. See you there.
Susan

Traveling the Sacred Journey Together

2010-08-15T11:48:00.004-04:00

The stories I most like to read are about women who suddenly find themselves confidantes and compatriots on this journey we call womanhood. They may never have met before, but a spark of conversation is all it takes to kindle a kinship.

I will never forget The Women's Room, a novel by Marilyn French, first published in 1977. In the book women offered each other humor, insight and comfort at a time when they needed it most.

So it was in the Circle yesterday. We come together, virtual strangers, and quickly develop a caring place of laughter and sharing. We sense we are forming possible friendships for life as we travel the sacred journey of the feminine.

The healing power of storytelling is the glue that binds us. We heard from Jan Backes who when she came to the Circle three months ago held a poem. The second time, she came bearing a 100-word essay and yesterday, her third visit to the Circle, read what is unarguably the start of a fascinating memoir.Way to go, Jan!

We heard another incredibly beautiful piece from Robyn. Her haunting voice in a story about being a single mother reminded me of author Alice Sebold, author of Lucky, her memoir, and The Lovely Bones. Sebold graduated from Great Valley High School, right here in Chester County.

We also had a special visit yesterday from the Daily Local News, Chester County's daily newspaper. The paper is writing a feature story about the Circle and our upcoming workshop, "The Art and Practice of Memoir." Storyteller and childrens' author, Maureen Barry of Malvern, will be featured in the video portion of the story reading from her memoir, tentatively titled My Rearview Mirror. That's Maureen on the left of this page and writer Robyn Wood of Chester Springs, top right. Maureen's website is: http://www.storytellermaureenbarry.blogspot.com/

Such is the power of the Circle and the read-around . . . coming together as a community of women and writers is a precious gift. August may be a languorous month, but it teemed with energy yesterday at Wellington Square Bookshop.

All the best to my Sisters in the Writing Circle,
Susan

It Comes Down to the Writing

2010-08-13T09:29:00.001-04:00

Writing can sometimes be like wandering through the wilderness searching for the clearing and the sunlight.You have to hack away at the first draft, the second draft. Someone once told me that nothing is any good until the 8th draft. Cut through the verbiage, slice out the side trips that meander from the heart of your story. In other words, don't waste your readers' time. They deserve the best. They hunger for a good story. Great books promote themselves. The rewards are many.

Some of the elements of good writing are:

Omit needless words
Have a clear purpose in mind when writing a scene
Think about your audience and how you want to connect
Pay attention to the finer details; "the frosting on the cake"
Proceed with organization and clarity

I had three editors for my book, each adding an ingredient to the mix; each mining this scene, that piece of dialogue, that sentence and then adding her inimitable touch. My editors were not there to stroke my ego. But they didn't cut me to shreds either. Feedback and rewrite are the next logical steps to writing anything.

Some of the most invaluable critique I received came from people in writing groups I participated in over the last several years. It was one of the reasons I started the Circle. No one can or should have to write in a vacuum.

No matter how good the story, if the writing isn't there to back it up, you might as well hang up your notebook, your laptop, your pens and pencils and call it a day. My writing was honed over decades of professional writing experience - but experience takes you only so far - and then you need an editor to lead you out of the darkness into the sunlight.

All the best,
Susan

Our Story Is a Palimpsest

2010-08-10T10:47:00.000-04:00

Gore Vidal, in his memoir Palimpsest, ( a palimpsest is a manuscript page from a scroll or book that has been scraped off and used again) notes the difference separating memoir from autobiography.

"A memoir is how one remembers one's own life, while an autobiography is history, requiring research, dates, facts double-checked," Vidal writes.

As we have talked about in the Circle, memoir shows what we have gleaned from one section of our lives, rather than commentating on the outcome of our lives as a whole.

We write in memoir about some "battle" we have enjoined; one that teaches and offers larger meaning without the power to defeat. We write about loss and grief. We write about how we deal with and conquer illness and addiction. We write about those who sabotaged us before we had the tools or the wisdom to fight back.

Most palimpsests were written on parchment, which is prepared from animal hides and more durable than paper or papyrus. Like a palimpsest, our story offers the lasting truth of memory - then it can be scraped clean and used to write yet again.

August 14 Read-Around

2010-08-07T08:20:00.001-04:00

The Women's Writing Circle meets at 9 a.m. Saturday, August 14 at Wellington Square Bookshop in the Eagleview Town Center in Exton, Chester County. Join us in a read-around. Together, we explore our voices, our memories and support each other in a commitment to a writing routine.

For those of you who regularly come to the Circle, please consider bringing a friend or tell them about the Circle. My hope is to start a second Circle, which would meet on the 4th Saturday of the month in another location in Chester County. Our Exton Circle always meets the second Saturday of the month.

This month's exercise was to write about a haunting or pivotal moment in your childhood. Drawing out important moments in your life can then be expanded to a larger piece, if you choose. Or if this doesn't appeal to you, bring whatever your muse inspires.

I hope to see you at the Circle.

All the best to my Sisters in the Writing Circle.
Susan

Five Days In the Author's Jungle

2010-08-03T12:01:00.003-04:00

Well, its been five days since my book became available and I am doing what all the marketing "experts" tell you to do: shamelessly self-promote! This is not an easy task for a former reporter who enjoyed her anonymity for years while she revealed everyone else's lives and decided whose story got play and whose pitch ended up in the circular file.

In fact, this is downright painful.

I have exhausted myself, linking this website with details on how to order Again in a Heartbeat, contacting family members, friends, Facebook "friends," college and graduate school alma maters, local bookstores and writing groups. I even talked up the book at my local "Curves" for weeks before publication where everyone smilingly assured me they wanted to read it. As soon as my first shipment of books arrives, I plan on plunking copies down on the table for purchase. Let them put their money where their mouth is!

I have contacted the local newspaper and they say they will do a story on the Writing Circle and our upcoming Art and Practice of Memoir workshop, but as for the local author slant, well the book will get a mention, "but we don't do local author stories." No matter. I am grateful for any and all publicity here in the book publishing jungle.

After reading all the "tips" on marketing, I feel like a walking encyclopedia on the dos and don'ts of author marketing. Of course, it all started months ago:

let people know you are writing
come up with an eye-catching cover
comment on blogs with similar topics and interests
schedule book signings (for which you will again have to do your own publicity)
tweet until you're blue in the face

Another Golden Rule of author marketing: Ask others to review your book. This is easier said than done. A well-known women's memoir group might do that after my book is linked to Amazon (this should be the case in about 14 business days); a social networking blogger extraordinaire on widowhood says "remind her" to get to the book if I don't hear from her in a while (this after an email and attached PDF file). And I am waiting to hear from a workshop facilitator whether she is willing to review it (another email and attached PDF file of the book sent late Sunday night when I would much rather have been reading another Jodi Picoult novel).

Are we having fun yet? If hard-pressed, I would say this is not as fun as writing. Ah yes. Writing. How I long to get back to that. Should I start another book, feel that energy again when I head to the computer to write instead of network, network, network? But another book means another probable foray into the jungle. It means more tweeting and retweeting. Help! But for now, I'd better log onto that Twitter account and tweet this.

The Lesson of Michael Jackson

2010-08-02T20:56:00.002-04:00

Has it been just over a year since he's been gone? It feels longer. His genius always lay in his originality, his total oblivion to what people thought or expected. His artistry shone like a blinding light even after all the scandalous dust had settled and the media had chewed him up and spit him out. As he moved to the beat of "Billie Jean" in a satin black jacket, heels on edge, his hips and shoulders swaying, he was the epitome of free expression.

Michael Jackson is an example for writers, for artists everywhere. Let it flow, let your creativity spring forth as you snap to your music. His ageless grace and his rhythm inspire us to create our own rock and roll on the page. Twirl around, grab your crotch if you want, and let it fly. Make it happen.

The Book

2010-08-01T22:34:00.000-04:00

Like Bette Midler in "Hocus Pocus," I need my Book. "Oh, Book," she cries in ecstasy. This is the book of potions, spells and enchantment. As you sail across a moon of possibility, hold close the Book whose pages contain your stories, your magic, your life.

Writing entrances me. Writing lets me fly to places I only dreamed of going. I hold my Book close against the night.

Believe in your story and you believe in yourself. Don't let anyone convince you that your story is not worth telling. Don't sabotage yourself. Be like a witch in the night, flying high as the moon casts its glow.

.

The Commitment to Ourselves

2010-07-28T09:36:00.001-04:00

In foraging through all the stuff I have collected over the years about writing, I came upon "Tips for becoming a great writer." One in particular stood out: "Live the life you've been given at a deeply personal level."

It struck me that writing has always been my touchstone, going back to high school when I tapped away on a Smith Corona in the loft of my parents' home. Boy, was that hard work compared to the wonders of a laptop!

In my memoir, I write how the very act of writing saw me through some of the loneliest and darkest days of my life. That is why I feel committed to this new journey, the Women's Writing Circle. I am meeting others who are longing to live their lives at the most deeply personal level that they can and sharing that in a spirit of like-mindedness.

This work we do in the Circle isn’t about writing self-help or self-improvement how-to guides. It is about working on stories that come from deep within. These are the stories that wind their way along sometimes rocky terrain, offering up side trips of humor and irony, but eventually leading to cool waters of relief and rest. The Circle is a safe place, a place permitting total devotion to ourselves.

At this month's read-around I wrote about deferring to my sons and putting my desires on hold. As women, we are especially prone to nurture and caretake. Then one day we ask, "But when is it my time?" Another tip on that sheet: "Keep writing even when you can’t write." There is no better time than now.